Shawn Eastridge's Favorite Films of 2016 Part 1: Biggest Disappointments and Worst of the Bunch

Oscar day is nearly here, the perfect excuse for me to finally, at long last, roll out my favorite films of 2016. But as has been the case in previous years, before we can get to the best, we've got to trudge through the worst. Here are my biggest disappointments and least favorites of last year's releases.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENTS

Captain Fantastic

Let's start this list off with a bang, shall we? Not gonna lie, I hated this movie. Hated the characters. Hated the story. Hated. Hated. Hated. Hate. Ed. Not even Viggo Mortensen can elevate this underdeveloped nonsense, which is liberal, hippie garbage of the most pretentious order. Hated.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

A Harry Potter prequel penned by none other than J.K. Rowling herself – what could possibly go wrong? A great deal, apparently. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them suffers from both an identity crisis and a lack of compelling characters. Its performances are dull; David Yates' direction is stale. That we have to sit through four more of these movies feels more like a threat than something to look forward to.

Ghostbusters (2016)

Can someone explain to me why we needed this movie? Ghostbusters (2016) isn’t particularly bad, but it is by no means particularly good either. Its biggest failing is that it’s not very funny, despite the involvement of a talented cast. Leslie Jones stands as the best of the bunch, the only actor here who feels like an actual character instead of a shallow comedy routine.

Hacksaw Ridge

A Hallmark movie for dads and grandpas. I think Mel Gibson legitimately gets off on absurd levels of violence, but he goes overboard into cartoonish territory here. Andrew Garfield holds things together despite a laughable southern accent with his sincere portrayal of Army Medic Desmond Doss. Doss’s story is incredible, there’s no argument there. I just wish this effort had been more worthy of his accomplishments.

Jason Bourne

I’m a huge fan of The Bourne Trilogy, so when Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass announced a sequel, I couldn’t have been more excited. What a shame that their first effort in nearly a decade is so lackluster. Everything that transpires in Jason Bourne carries the weight of a heavy, disinterested sigh. Everyone is going through the motions and the final result is perhaps the worst thing Greengrass has ever produced.

Sing Street

It actually pains me to include this one here. Sing Street doesn’t do anything overtly wrong, as most of the films on this list do. I loved the music and the young cast is excellent, but story-wise the film never finds its focus and its young adult-style romance is undercooked. The entire thing rang false to me, which is a shame because I really wanted to enjoy it.

X-Men: Apocalypse

I keep forgetting this movie exists. It’s by no means the worst X-Men film of the bunch (I’m looking at you, X-Men 3), but it is overblown and overstuffed with plotlines. I wish Bryan Singer had chosen to focus on the young students (Cyclops, Jean Grey, Nightcrawler) and their development instead of shoehorning in the whole Apocalypse storyline in such an unsatisfactory way. It’s like Singer’s need to compete with Marvel Studios’ action-packed efforts caused him to forget his biggest strengths as a storyteller.

THE WORST OF THE BUNCH

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

I’ve already spoken ad nauseum about BvS: Dawn of the Death of Cinema, so I’ll keep things brief: this movie sucks. Like, it really, really sucks. It’s an insult to Batman, it’s an insult to Superman, it’s an insult to the talent involved and it’s an insult to filmmaking in general. I can’t wait to see Zack Snyder’s studio-influenced, ‘make it funnier!’ take on the Justice League. It’ll be a glorious shitstorm.

Central Intelligence

I’m paraphrasing here, but I’m fairly certain there’s a line in Central Intelligence where someone says, “Can we just go home already?” I recall turning to my wife in the theater and saying, a bit too loudly, “Yes, PLEASE. Can we?” Central Intelligence is garbage. It is one of the least funny ‘comedies’ I have ever seen in my life. Not even Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s charm and stunning good looks could save this mess.

Collateral Beauty

What is this movie? I saw this with my dear friend, the talented and dashing Matthew Schott, and at nearly every moment we turned to each other, expressions of sheer bewilderment on our faces, and asked, ‘What the hell is happening?’ It is a disaster of epic proportions and I am shocked it found its way to the big screen with such a shoddy screenplay. I encourage anyone interested in screenwriting to take a gander at this film. It is a MASTER CLASS in what not to do when writing your script, or really for anything regarding good filmmaking.

Independence Day: Resurgence

If one pointless sequel could have done with a bit more shameless referencing of its predecessor, it would be Independence Day: Resurgence. This movie is so dumb, but it lacks the self-aware absurdity that made the original Independence Day such a delight. If Resurgence had recognized just how stupid it was and embraced it whole-heartedly, it would have been far more entertaining. Instead, it’s just another bland, lifeless, effects-driven blockbuster.

Sausage Party

If the thought of obvious sexual references involving food and cartoon characters with potty mouths appeals to you, then jump on board. Once I realized that was all Sausage Party had going for it, I quickly checked out. The film is painfully unfunny and its attempts at social relevance are embarrassing and juvenile.

The Secret Life of Pets

Basically Toy Story only way less funny and far more annoying. The Secret Life of Pets has absolutely nothing going for it. That's all.

Suicide Squad

Suicide Squad is better than Batman v Superman in one respect: it is absolutely insane. It has this manic energy that propels its nonsensical plot forward with such zest that all I could do was laugh and laugh. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s still a terrible film, but at the very least I was more entertained by its terribleness than I was with BvS’s. Will Smith and Margot Robbie are the only members of the cast who turn in anything resembling a worthwhile performance. Jared Leto’s performance as ‘Not-Really-Joker-Just-A-Creepy-Mobster’ is painful.

There you have it, folks! Part 2 and 3, detailing my Honorable Mentions and Top Favorites will be coming either today or tomorrow. Stay tuned!