Everybody Wants Some!! - Film Review

Richard Linklater has had a pretty great decade thus far. He started strong out the gate with Bernie in 2011 and followed that up with the masterful one-two punch of 2013’s Before Midnight and 2014’s Boyhood, the latter earning him his first directing Oscar nod. As many of you are well-aware, Linklater is one of my all-time favorites. It's why, despite lackluster trailers and TV spots, I was keeping my fingers crossed for his latest Everybody Wants Some!!

After getting the chance to see the film this past weekend I’m pleased to say that Linklater’s winning streak presses on untarnished. Billed as a ‘spiritual sequel’ to his much-beloved film Dazed and Confused, Everybody Wants Some!! is every bit the successor the term suggests. From its soundtrack to its leisurely pacing and mood, it recalls many traits of the 1993 cult-classic.

It’s also a much better film.

While Dazed and Confused is occasionally effective as an examination of the ups and downs of high-school life, it can’t help feeling like the work of a filmmaker still discovering his voice. Its dialogue and performances feel stilted and disingenuous at points. (It was only Linklater’s 3rd full-length feature, after all, preceded by the low-budget It's Impossible to Learn to Plow by Reading Books and his breakout success Slacker) Everybody Wants Some!!, on the other hand, overflows with authenticity. It’s endearingly raunchy and hilarious, filled with heartfelt characters and moments that perfectly capture what it feels like to go off to college and, for the first time, experience a little taste of true freedom and independence.

Jake (Blake Jenner) is the new kid on campus, a college freshman and back-up pitcher for the school’s baseball team. He arrives at school, moving right in with his teammates in an off-campus frat house of sorts. Despite some rocky introductions to a couple of his new roommates, Jake fits in almost immediately, and the film follows the team’s final weekend of freedom before the start of classes.

Anyone familiar with Linklater’s best work won’t be surprised to find that Everybody Wants Some!! is largely plotless - the characters jump from party to party, go disco dancing, pursue the opposite sex and discuss whatever topics come to their inebriated minds. They're all so lovable and feel so genuine that the total lack of a driving story doesn’t even matter. I was totally involved in their exploits from beginning to end and my only complaint is that I wish I could have spent even more time with them.

Linklater has an impeccable knack for assembling memorable ensembles and Everybody Wants Some!! is no exception. Each cast member brings their own unique flavor to the table and, by extension, so do the characters. As McReynolds, the team captain, Tyler Hoechlin is the natural ‘leader of the pack,’ unknowable, but kind-hearted. Wyatt Russell’s Willoughby is the lovable stoner - the scene in which he and the group smoke-up and try to read each other’s minds is one of the film’s many highlights.

Glen Powell’s Finnegan may be the standout in a whole group of standouts. He exudes leading-man charm and, in a way, serves as the group’s conscience. He may party hard the night before, but you can find him chilling on the couch the next day, a copy of Jack Kerouac's 'Desolation Angels' in hand.

Blake Jenner may have had the most difficult job, as Jake is a bit of a blank-slate observer. But Jenner pulls it off, making the character both fun and endearing. And as the only female lead in the entire repertoire, Zoey Deutch makes a lasting impression. It’s impossible not to fall for her. Really, I could go on and on (and I very nearly have); everyone is perfect and their chemistry is exquisite. Even the characters you think you dislike reveal their layers as the film plays out.

And therein lies Linklater’s greatest asset: he really seems to care about people and the connections we make in life that are so essential to our being. To him, nothing in the human experience is more important than communicating and connecting with one another. Everybody Wants Some!! is another natural extension of Linklater’s ideology and stands above the pack as one of this year’s finest. It's an important reminder that few things bring more satisfaction than being there for one another and living each moment to the fullest.

FINAL RATING: 5/5

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice - Film Review

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is such an all-encompassing, mind-numbing, incoherent mess, I don’t even know where to begin. It fundamentally misunderstands its source material and the concept of good filmmaking in general. I couldn’t tell you why Batman and Superman were fighting; neither of them seemed to care about anything or anyone except themselves. If you were to remove the ‘v’ from ‘BvS,’ you’d get an abbreviation that perfectly encapsulates the experience of watching it. By the time its 2.5-hour runtime had concluded, I felt pummeled, disturbed and deeply depressed.

The title ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’ is somewhat misleading. Not only does the long-anticipated fight between these two icons only last for about ten minutes total, there is no ‘Dawn’ to be found. Most of the film’s events take place in the blackest of rainy nights. The closest we get to actual, genuine sunlight is an overcast sky with a mere hint of blue poking through. The color scheme is consistently gray and that, combined with the film’s suffocatingly dour tone, makes this one of the single-most dispiriting film-going experiences I’ve ever had.

Narratively speaking…well, let me stop right there because there isn’t much of a narrative to speak of. There’s something resembling a narrative, but it’s so jumbled and messy that labeling it as such does a disservice to the term. Events unfold, but have little to no relation with one another. There’s no connective tissue. Character motivations are muddled or non-existent. (Why did Lex Luthor hate Superman so much besides the fact that Superman is so much hotter?) It’s like the creative team threw a bunch of ideas into a blender, pissed all over them and then flung them on the audience. (Ironically, a jar of piss ends up being one of the film’s plot points. No joke.)

Through the years, director Zack Snyder has made a name for himself crafting visually faithful, thematically inept comic book adaptations. He’s always favored carefully crafted visuals and cinematography over any kind of meaningful, engaging content. Even decent screenplays seem to fall apart once he gets hold of them and siphons them through his slow-mo, action-first/character-second aesthetic. Why Warner Bros. saw fit to entrust the security of such beloved characters to the guy is beyond me. Not only does he reduce Batman to a murderous monster, he seems to have absolutely zero grasp on what makes Superman so great.

The concept of Superman has never meshed well with Snyder’s almost hilariously pessimistic agenda. (A selfless superhero who only wants to help people because it’s the right thing to do? Lame!) It feels like he’s been waiting for his moment to raise the middle finger to anyone who has any kind of love or appreciation for the guy and with Batman v Superman he finally gets the opportunity to do so. This film proves beyond any smidgen of doubt, that Snyder doesn’t only not understand Superman, Snyder flat out HATES him.

There’s this awful moment about halfway through the movie where Superman is chatting with Lois and he basically tells her that he’s a fraud and that people should never have believed in him. Hey, I’m right there with you, buddy. While we’re at it, how ‘bout we stop by the local orphanage and tell all the kids their parents never loved them too?

To be fair, as portrayed in 2013's Man of Steel and Batman v Superman, Superman really doesn’t do anybody any good. But instead of taking advantage of the opportunity to give him a platform to speak for himself or present any kind of point of view on anything (in other words, to be a developed character), Snyder and co. opt instead to have him remain silent, reinforcing the notion that Superman is a selfish prick who only cares about himself.

The filmmakers included the briefest of brief montages to showcase Superman’s rescues. (I guess somebody at the studio begrudgingly admitted they had to show Superman saving somebody.) I’ve been to funerals more upbeat than this dreary sequence. Superman seems like he’d rather be doing anything else. I mean, why should Superman actually want to rescue people? It’s not like that’s what he does or anything, right?

I feel particularly bad for Henry Cavill. He seems talented enough and certainly looks the part. In press interviews, he’s demonstrated the charm and likability that is so essential to the character. For whatever reason, Snyder and the studio have ignored Cavill’s abilities and forced him to wander around looking lost and forlorn. There's no charisma to his performance; he's just going through the motions. And who can blame him, really? When the creative team clearly has nothing but contempt for the character you're portraying, all you can do is collect your paycheck and go home.

BvS hardly fares better when it comes to Batman. Despite Ben Affleck’s noble efforts, he can’t quite overcome the clunky dialogue or lack of nuance. While I understand why Batman would have a personal vendetta against Superman due to the mass destruction he (Superman) caused in Man of Steel, I do not understand in any way why Batman casually murders people left and right with next-to-no regard. When did he decide to cross that line? Snyder and co. never bother to fill us in on the details, nor on any details regarding the character.

As for the rest of the cast, they spend most of their time blending into the mayhem. Gal Gadot is fine as Wonder Woman, though there’s no explanation as to who she is or why she’s in this movie. As portrayed by Jesse Eisenberg, Lex Luthor is a jittery, Jim-Carrey-as-the-Riddler impersonator with no clear motive for his ‘evil’ schemes. Poor Amy Adams as Lois Lane spends most of the film getting rescued by Superman. Lois comes across as a total moron, often flinging herself into idiotic situations without much consideration. Only Jeremy Irons and Laurence Fishburne make it through unscathed in their portrayals of Batman’s butler Alfred and Daily Planet Editor-in-Chief Perry White respectively.

So, without a coherent storyline or characters to invest in, what we’re left with is Angry Murdering Man v The Depressed Sad-Sack, which is nothing more than a 2.5-hour staring contest to determine the grumpiest superhero of all!

Sidenote: there’s also an amazing moment where it looks like they’re about to kiss. God, I would have forgiven every flaw in this movie if they’d just gone for it:

Nothing in BvS merits any kind of recommendation. You’re better off going to your local comic shop and grabbing a copy of ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ and ‘Superman: Birthright.’ I assure you, it’ll be money far better spent and you won't hate your life afterwards.

FINAL RATING: 1/5

10 Cloverfield Lane - Film Review

A fair warning: don’t go into 10 Cloverfield Lane expecting anything resembling a follow-up to its shaky-cam predecessor. They bear little resemblance to one another. Producer J.J. Abrams has done his utmost to temper expectations by referring to this new film as a “spiritual successor," not a direct sequel. Mostly, I think he’s just trying to cover his ass for essentially hijacking an un-related screenplay and slapping it with the Cloverfield brand. It must have seemed like a surefire way to secure some box office dollars and get a nice little payday for himself and the original film’s creative team. Hey, don’t judge. The director of the highest grossing domestic film of all time has gotta pay the bills somehow.

Even though it doesn’t have much to do with the original Cloverfield, you should still make the effort to see 10 Cloverfield Lane. It is a superb thriller and will keep you riveted from its shocking opening scenes to its nail-biting conclusion.

Following a rough car accident, Michelle (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) wakes to finds herself in the care of Howard (John Goodman), a quietly terrifying roly-poly of a man. Calling Howard a bit of a nut would be an understatement. He’s extremely paranoid and has spent a good chunk of his time and money building an underground shelter in anticipation of some kind of impending doom. That doom, he explains, has finally come to pass and he refuses to let Michelle out of the bunker, insisting it’s for her own safety. Though he claims he means well, Michelle can’t be sure if he’s telling the truth or just plain crazy. With the help of the shelter’s other resident/inmate Emmet (John Gallagher, Jr.), Michelle begins to plot her escape and discover the truth for herself.

That’s about as much as I can tell you without giving away significant plot details. Do yourself a favor and avoid spoilers like the plague; its surprises are worth the effort. With his feature debut, director Dan Trachtenberg proves himself a natural talent. (I shall be watching his career with great interest!) He does an excellent job wringing every ounce of suspense from the claustrophobic setting. It’s amazing that, despite taking place in a single location, he manages to keep things from growing stale with compelling staging, cinematography and production design.

Of course, it helps when the screenplay you’re working with is so strong. Written by Josh Campbell and Matt Stuecken with a little help from Whiplash writer/director Damien Chazelle, 10 Cloverfield Lane successfully balances heart-stopping thrills with effective character development and humor. It’s perfectly paced and always involving; you will never be bored.

The casting is perfect. Mary Elizabeth Winstead gives a sympathetic turn as Michele. It recalls Sigourney Weaver’s in Alien, and when it comes to cinematic heroines, that’s about the highest compliment you can give. As Emmet, John Gallagher, Jr. is immediately likable and empathetic.
And then there’s John Goodman.

Mr. Goodman has, time and time again, proven he is one of the greats — an impeccable character actor who never quite seems to get the attention he deserves from mainstream audiences. His performance here is stunning. In Goodman’s hands, Howard never fully loses his humanity, which makes him all the more terrifying.

If 10 Cloverfield Lane makes any missteps, it’s in a slightly jarring 3rd Act. While undeniably effective on its own terms, it can’t help but feel a bit unearned considering its lack of relationship to everything which preceded it. It’s not enough to derail the movie by any means, but I’m sure film fans will take great pleasure in debating whether or not it was necessary.

One thing that won’t be the subject of much debate is whether or not 10 Cloverfield Lane is any good. It is. It’s better than good — it’s one of the best films of 2016 thus far. Don’t miss it.

FINAL RATING: 4.5/5

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens - Film Review

Fair warning: While this is a 'spoiler-free' review, I do briefly comment on minor characters and their functions in this film. Nothing major plot or character wise is spoiled here, but I wanted to give anyone who still hasn't seen the film a heads up in case you want to go into it with no knowledge whatsoever. 

The original Star Wars stands alone as one of the single greatest achievements in filmmaking history. It has been so seamlessly ingrained into today’s culture it’s hard for those too young to have seen it in theaters back in 1977 to truly fathom what a remarkable feat George Lucas managed to pull off. Not only did he single-handedly change the face of moviemaking forever and ever, amen, his work spawned what is arguably the most beloved film series of...well...ever. (That business of last decade’s Prequel Trilogy, in the words of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi himself, ‘doesn’t, doesn’t count.’ - and, yes, I recognize the irony of using a quote from the Prequels to demonstrate their worthlessness, so SHUT IT!!) With many a childhood influenced by the magic of the Original Trilogy, I can’t even begin to imagine how daunting the prospect of continuing the series would be, especially in the light of the rightfully chastised Lucas-scribed/helmed Prequels. But when Lucas sold his company along with all related franchises to Disney, he removed the very thing that was stifling the series’ creativity and well-being: Himself. Since he would no longer be playing an active creative role in future Star Wars films, the possibilities for the franchise were endless. It was the best creative decision that could have been made to guarantee its well-being.

Still, making a Star Wars movie must be an overwhelming notion, even for the most accomplished filmmaker. In fact, ‘overwhelming’ probably doesn’t even begin to describe the immense pressure of living up to the hopes of an entire generation of fans who grew up with and were inspired by these films, as well as ensuring the $4 billion+ Disney dished out for the franchise would not be in vain. Episode VII director/writer J.J. Abrams, co-writer Lawrence Kasdan, whose extensive writing resume includes the likes of The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi and Raiders of the Lost Ark (No biggie), and Lucasfilm head/Executive Producer Kathleen Kennedy had an immense task before them. 

But never tell them the odds. Somehow, despite everything working against this creative team, they’ve managed to succeed. And not only have they succeeded, they’ve succeeded with flying colors. The Force Awakens recaptures everything you loved about Star Wars in the first place - the wonder, the humor, the tangible believability - and coily nods to the past while expertly pushing the franchise into exciting new places for the future.

The core of Episode VII’s success is a strong emphasis on character and those characters’ relationships with one another. Despite their pioneering special effects and rip-roaring action, the reason the original Star Wars films were so beloved was because we cared so deeply about its core cast of characters. Abrams and Kasdan have recognized this and filled The Force Awakens with an ensemble that will remind you just how crucial this element was to the series.

All of the new players are fantastic and the assembled cast is extraordinary. Newcomer Daisy Ridley’s performance as Rey is a wonder to behold. She’s beautiful, strong and kindhearted - a star in the making. John Boyega is hilarious and endearing as the brave Stormtrooper-with-a-heart-of-gold Finn; Oscar Isaac is perfectly cocky and lovable as Poe Dameron, the Resistance’s best pilot. And, of course, we have BB-8, who is flatout adorable. 

Perhaps the most impressive addition to the new cast is Adam Driver as the film’s main baddie Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren is already one of the most fascinating characters of the entire franchise and it’s Driver’s performance, even more so than the writing itself, that is the driving force behind its success. He’s dangerous and frightening, and yet he carries a level of humanity about him. You empathize with him even when you don’t want to. A round of applause for the guy!

With the exception of Domhnall Gleeson’s strong performance as the ruthless General Hux, the remaining supporting cast is a bit forgettable. There was such emphasis placed on Gwendoline Christie’s involvement as Captain Phasma (that hulking, Chrome Trooper featured prominently in ads and posters) and it’s disappointing to see the character is mostly there as an excuse to sell pretty toys. Likewise Andy Serkis and Lupita Nyong’o, both playing fully CG characters, seem to fade into the background, providing interesting tidbits of plot info, but not much else. It’s by no fault of these actors that these characters don’t work as well as the primary players; all three of them are solid. It’s the script that comes up short in this particular instance.

Of course, anyone who’s seen any promotional materials for The Force Awakens is well-aware that the primary trio has returned for another go-round. And they’re great. Without going into specifics, I will say that I was really impressed with Harrison Ford in particular, who seems to have made a habit of phoning in his performances as of late. He really brings his a-game. It really feels like we’re watching the Han Solo we know and love from the Original Trilogy and not just an awkward impersonation of said character (I’m looking at you Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). The same goes for Carrie Fisher, who I was perhaps the most worried about. She does a superb job, hitting all the right emotional beats and moments. And Mark Hamill? Well...if you haven’t seen the film by this point I’ll let you wait and find out for yourself how he fares. 

No joke, The Force Awakens has arguably the best performances this franchise has ever seen. I cannot emphasize enough how incredible this cast is and how damned lovable these new characters are. They are, by far, this new entry’s strongest assets.

Less successful is the plot itself, which relies a bit too heavily on storybeats from the original 1977 Star Wars. On occasion, The Force Awakens goes overboard from being a loving homage of the events in A New Hope to just plain derivative of them. I won’t spoil why exactly (stay tuned for another conversational review between Richie and me and check out our review/ranking of the Star Wars Saga up to this point), but considering all the time and effort put into making things feel fresh and fun, you’d think a little more effort would have been put into changing things up a bit more plot-wise. 

But now I’m getting nitpicky and to nitpick a movie that gets so much so, so right feels unwarranted. Abrams has instilled every moment with palpable glee. You get the feeling that everyone involved in its making has a great love for Star Wars and their passion comes through tenfold. 

What’s really impressive about Abrams is how much he seems to have matured as a director since the release of 2013's Star Trek Into Darkness. He allows moments to breathe, to flourish. When the pace is up and running, his direction and camera moves are exhilarating and breathtaking. When things slow down, the visuals are even more stunning. At this point I’ve seen The Force Awakens 3 times, and upon each repeat viewing, I catch more and more shots that, as a film fan, I couldn’t believe I took for granted the first (and even second) time around. It’s an outstanding directorial accomplishment and perhaps Abrams’ crowning achievement. 

I’ll admit, the first time I watched Episode VII, I was completely overwhelmed. I knew I liked it, but I wasn’t sure to what extent I liked it. Little things about the story irked me, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about certain character choices. The 2nd viewing was much more enjoyable, partially because I no longer had to stress out about what was going to happen and I could surrender myself to the power of its storytelling. I was pleasantly surprised to find that not only did I like the film, I genuinely loved it. 

To put it bluntly, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens is the most entertaining Star Wars movie since A New Hope, the best looking, most emotionally sound entry since The Empire Strikes Back and the most heartwarming since Return of the Jedi. It forgoes the stale artificiality of the Prequels and somehow, despite all odds, manages to recapture the spirit of George Lucas’ Original Trilogy. Most importantly, it is a delightful viewing experience that will put a smile on your face and remind you just how magical a galaxy far far away can be. Maybe Abrams and Kasdan played it a bit too safe with familiar plotting and storybeats, but the new cast of characters and some bold twists keep things fresh and exciting. This is one of the most joyous films of the 21st century so far and I for one cannot wait to see where Rian Johnson takes us in 2017.

FINAL RATING: 5/5

The End of the Tour

Back in good ol’ 1996, the year that gave us such cinematic masterpieces as Fargo, Trainspotting, and the greatest disaster movie of all time Independence Day, a little diddy called 'Infinite Jest' was unleashed on the world. Its author David Foster Wallace had prior to its release achieved moderate success with his first novel 'The Broom of the System' and a number of essays, but the publication of 'Infinite Jest' hurled him into the annals of writer superstardom. In a 2004 retrospective review, writer Chad Harbach declared 'Infinite Jest' “the central American novel of the past thirty years, a dense star for lesser work to orbit” and Time included the novel in its list of the 100 Best English-language Novels since 1923.

Despite Wallace’s general disdain of being considered a ‘celebrity,’ he agreed to an interview with writer/journalist David Lipsky for a Rolling Stone article. Lipsky joined Wallace for a five-day stint near the end of the Infinite Jest book tour, tape recording their many conversations. Although the interviewer/subject barrier was never fully breached, largely due to Wallace’s full awareness that Lipsky’s ultimate job was to get some dirt on the author in order to craft a stellar article, the two of them ended up developing something of a mutual respect for one another and even something resembling a friendship. It was kind of an older brother/younger brother dynamic in a way with Wallace functioning as the older on one end of the success spectrum and Lipsky representing the younger brother striving for the approval of his ‘better.’ The article never got published as it was deemed not sensational enough for Rolling Stone’s readers, but Lipsky ended up transcribing their conversations and releasing them in book form under the title ‘Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself,’ released two years after Wallace's suicide in 2008.

The relationship between the two writers forms the basis of James Ponsoldt’s latest film The End of the Tour, a deeply affecting and ofttimes hilarious examination of two writers coping with their varying degrees of success. It’s essentially a bromance tale minus whatever negative connotations the term ‘bromance’ evokes. It is a beautiful film and works on nearly every level, partially because it doesn’t require you to be a Wallace-devotee in order to fully enjoy the experience. I haven’t even read 'Infinite Jest' (I’m sure I’ll get around to it someday), but this never held me back from being totally invested in the fascinating relationship between these two prolific writers. The film is essentially one long conversation after another. It’s actually very reminiscent of Richard Linklater’s talky Before Sunrise Trilogy, and it’s to the credit of playwright Donald Margulies who penned the screenplay and the performances of Jason Segel and Jesse Eisenberg that the conversations flow so naturally and never once come across as dull.

And speaking of performances, can we take a moment to call these sexy guys out? I’ve always been a big fan of Segel’s ever since his work on Freaks & Geeks and this may be the best thing he’s done since the show was cancelled. That’s not a knock against his body of work; Forgetting Sarah Marshall and The Muppets are exceptional films, but his performance as David Foster Wallace shows just how much he’s matured as an actor and I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if it ends up earning him his first Oscar nod.

Likewise, Eisenberg continues to prove himself as one of our finest young actors. I know the guy’s got his haters due to his eccentric awkwardness, but over the course of his career he has compiled a wide variety of work, consistently giving some really solid performances. Watching him and Segel bounce off each other (conversationally, not physically, though I’m sure if the entire movie was just the two of them literally bouncing off each other it would still be fantastic) is one of the more enjoyable experiences I’ve had in a movie theater this year. Their chemistry is impeccable and I love the way they play the relationship - often respectful and amicable, but occasionally their egos get in the way. Wallace and Lipsky clearly admired each other, but that admiration never once got in the way of them calling each other out on their respective B.S. Some of the film's most powerful moments come from the two butting heads and Segel and Eisenberg really excel in these scenes.

I was a fan of director Ponsoldt’s last film The Spectacular Now, but felt it relished a bit too much in its own depression, never quite striking the right balance between telling a story and being an anti-alcohol campaign. Here, he finds exactly the right balance and tone for the subject matter, allowing the naturalism of the dialogue and the performances to shine through all whilst crafting some truly beautiful imagery with the assistance of Jakob Ihre’s cinematography. I also appreciated that he and Marguilies never tried to unnaturally foreshadow the tragedy of Wallace’s ultimate fate or milk some superficial pathos from it. His focus is solely on the story being told and the relationship between Wallace and Lipsky and that focus makes the film all the more powerful.

The End of the Tour is Ponsoldt’s best work yet and one of the best films of the year. Regardless of whether or not you’re a fan of David Foster Wallace, you owe it to yourself to see this one. You just might learn something about everything.

FINAL RATING: 5/5

Fantastic Four Made Me Feel a Little Less Alive and Very Sleepy

In my experience, there are two kinds of Bad Movies. First is the kind so atrocious, so unbelievably awful, that it ascends simple ‘badness’ to become something more, something so bad it’s good (i.e. The Room, Miami Connection, Rocky IV, The Happening, etc.). Then there are movies that are just so painful it’s difficult to derive any enjoyment whatsoever out of watching them (i.e. The Star Wars Prequels, The Godfather Part III, X-Men 3, Die Another Day, Rocky V, The Last Airbender, etc.). Until this past week I hadn’t even considered the possibility of another, but the newest Fantastic Four has blown my mind wide open, introducing me to a whole new category of bad movie: the kind that makes you feel like you haven’t even watched a movie but witnessed some kind of amorphous black hole designed to drain any sense of joy or love from every fiber of your being. It’s not so bad it’s good; it’s so bad I’m surprised it was released at all. It’s something of an anti-movie. Even Roger Corman’s unreleased disaster-fest is a better storytelling venture and I never thought I would ever use that travesty as the prime example of any aspect of filmmaking.

Fantastic Four (or Fant4stic as the marketing campaign had dubbed it before the onslaught of furious fans forced them to get rid of the tacky ‘4 as an A’ idea) is the latest failed attempt to revitalize Marvel’s 1st family, this time in the vein of the ‘gritty reboot’ aesthetic that never actually works unless it’s made by Christopher Nolan. (See The Amazing Spider-Man and Man of Steel for further details) Why 20th Century Fox and director Josh Trank decided to go in this direction, aside from the money signs generated from Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy, is beyond me, especially when you consider that the Fantastic Four are essentially the Brady Bunch with superpowers. I mean, come on, we’ve got a character called Mr. Fantastic whose main superpower is the ability to stretch and the Human Torch who shouts, “Flame On!” as he bursts into flames and you expect us to take this seriously? This comic book is so inherently absurd that all you can do is embrace that absurdity and use it to your advantage. Even Tim Story’s god-awful Fantastic Four films got that aspect of the characters right. (Again, I can’t believe I’m using such terrible films as an example of how to do something right in a movie.) Fant4stic seems embarrassed by every aspect of its source material, doing its utmost to distance itself from it as much as possible, often to its detriment.

Things start off promisingly enough with a flashback that introduces us to a young Reed Richards and Ben Grimm and shows how they became friends. We flash forward a few years (only the first of many lazy flash forward moments – at least they kept that element from Corman’s catastrophe) to find Reed and Ben all grown up and looking an awful lot like Miles Teller and Jamie Bell. With Ben’s help, although it’s never clearly stated how exactly he helps since he’s not a scientist by any stretch, Reed has finally ‘perfected’ the transportation device he’s been working on ever since he was a kid. He catches the eye of Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E. Cathey) who apparently frequents high school science fairs on the regular in the hopes that he might recruit budding new talent. Dr. Storm is attempting to make a breakthrough in teleportation in order to transport a team of scientists to an alternate dimension in the hopes of finding new resources to sustain human life. Reed seems to have cracked the code, so Dr. Storm jumps at the opportunity to recruit them. Well, maybe ‘jumps’ isn’t the right word for it; Cathey’s performance is so monotone that his excitement is more akin to being slightly sleepy as opposed to totally sleepwalking.

The first act of the film, in which Reed is introduced to Sue and Victor Von Doom and Johnny, is the only functioning act of the entire endeavor. Note, I said ‘functioning,’ not ‘successful,’ because it feels like the act is just barely working. Still, it does a decent job getting all the pieces in the right place and setting up the following acts.

If only there were any following acts.

It takes roughly 40 minutes or so before any superpowers are gained and as soon as they are the film throws up a ‘1 Year Later’ title card, which for some reason they thought would adequately take the place of an entire 2nd Act, no joke. Some military doofus gives some kind of Powerpoint presentation to show how the team has developed their powers and learnt to control them.  What follows is a jumbled mess of an attempt to create some kind of story from this shapeless mass of plotting and an inexplicable lead-in to a third act climax that is so rushed and underwhelming it would be hilarious if it wasn’t so pathetic. (My friend and I actually turned to each other and said, “Is this…supposed to be the final fight?”) The story is so uninvolving and so jumbled that at a certain point it was more entertaining keeping track of Kate Mara's awful wig than it was paying attention to the actual movie.

Is it really this hard to make a decent Fantastic Four film? We’ve already gotten four (how ironic) and not a single one has been good. Brad Bird has already proven the formula works with his animated masterpiece The Incredibles, so what gives, people?? And, unlike 99% of the nerd community, I actually had high hopes for this one. I loved Josh Trank’s first film Chronicle, a fresh, entertaining take on the superhero origin story, and was excited to see what he could bring to the table with a larger budget. While we might not know the full extent of the drama that happened between 20th Century Fox and Trank behind the scenes, one thing is for certain: someone done effed up. Big time. Not even in the film’s most inspired moments (and I’d hate to use the word ‘inspired’ when it comes to anything to do with Fant4stic) does Trank’s direction seem anything but lifeless. The majority of the film takes place in two locations, an underground warehouse and the giant green screen the cast stood on in order to film the alternate dimension sequences. It’s claustrophobic in the worst way and the drab production design and overwhelmingly grey color scheme is mind-numbing.

Likewise, it’s painful to watch such a talented young cast have to make their way through this drudgery. Miles Teller in particular gives it his best go before giving up about halfway through. The rest of this doomed ensemble, which includes Kate Mara as a muted Sue Storm, a barely-present Jamie Bell as Ben Grimm/The Thing, a brooding Toby Kebbell as Victor Von Doom, and a robotic Reg E. Cathey as Dr. Franlkin Storm, doesn’t even bother trying, having even less to work with.

By the time Fant4stic’s eternal 100-minute runtime had concluded, I was desperate to get out into the bright summer sunshine and do anything to remind me that I was indeed a human being and capable of emotion and joy. Calling it a mess is giving it too much credit. I can’t remember the last time a movie made me feel so utterly bereft of anything. One can only hope that the sting of this immense failure will contribute to the rights returning to Marvel Studios. Perhaps then the Fantastic Four will finally get their due. And some actual color. Please, just, for the love of God, give me ANY color.

FINAL RATING: 1/5

My Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation Review, Should You Choose to Accept It

It’s hard to believe the first Mission: Impossible film came out a little over 20 years ago. I remember the first time I saw it - my dad and his buddies were big fans of the TV show growing up and had to drag my brother and me along to the theater with them. My brother and I did our best to convince our dad that the film would be way too violent for us impressionable young’uns and that we should be left at home. (I was 9 at the time; my brother was 7) Neither of us really believed we wouldn’t be able to handle the movie. We just wanted to stay at home and play video games. Thankfully, our dad ignored the juvenile protests and we both ended up loving the film. I had no clue what was happening story-wise, but it didn’t matter; the action was unlike anything I’d ever seen and Tom Cruise was a total BAMF, hanging from ceilings and bullet trains like it was no biggie. He was my new hero, joining the annals of Superman, Batman, and the Power Rangers. No easy feat.

The franchise may have stumbled early on with the blatantly atrocious M:I-2, but it managed to find its footing with J.J. Abrams’ entry (his big-screen directorial debut) and eventually hit a major stride with the sheer cinematic gold that was Brad Bird’s Ghost Protocol, the series’ highest grossing (without adjusting for inflation) and most critically acclaimed entry. The challenge for M:I-5: Rogue Nation was whether or not it could meet the high expectations set by its predecessor, maintaining the revitalized momentum of the franchise and securing the future of the Mission: Impossible film series.

I’ll get the bad news out of the way first: Rogue Nation doesn’t live up to the sheer exhilaration and blast of creativity that was Ghost Protocol. The good news is that it is a spectacular action film full of unparalleled stunts and sequences, and serves as further proof that this 20-year-old franchise is showing no signs of slowing. And, let’s be honest with ourselves for a minute, few things are as exciting as hearing that iconic Lalo Schifrin theme song while Tom Cruise hurls himself into one nutso action scene after another.

Tonally, Rogue Nation falls right in line with Ghost Protocol, following that film’s winning template of breathtaking action set-pieces and hilarious exchanges between our heroes. This time around, IMF agent Ethan Hunt comes head to head with the Syndicate, an agency which functions as an ‘anti-IMF,’ spreading chaos and terror wherever it sees fit.  Just as a breakthrough discovery regarding the identity of the Syndicate’s leader is made, disgruntled CIA Director Alan Hunley manages to shut down the IMF and have its resources absorbed into the CIA. Hunt’s friend and colleague William Brandt (Jeremy Renner) holds Hunley at bay while Hunt goes rogue, operating independently to uncover the Syndicate and take them down before it’s too late.

This is the first time really that Hunt has had a consistent team over the course of more than one film and it’s great to see them all back together again (with the unfortunate absence of Paula Patton, whose schedule prevented her from being in the film). Joining Cruise and Renner on this mission are returning vet Ving Rhames as series favorite Luther Stickell and the hilarious Simon Pegg as tech expert Benji Dunn. This cast has great chemistry and watching them work together to solve each ‘impossible’ provides endless laughs and thrills.

New to the crew is Rebecca Ferguson as Ilsa Faust, who gets caught up in Hunt’s crusade as she struggles with multiple allegiances. Ferguson is stunning and kicks major ass, holding her own as an action star. Baldwin is another welcome addition as CIA Director Alan Hunley, who is intent on shutting the IMF down due to their unorthodox methods, and Sean Harris gives a great turn as the big baddie, playing it straight for the most part but offering little moments of knowing goofiness. He has a lot of fun with this role, elevating the material from being more of a generic villain to a more memorable threat.

For the entirety of its running time, M:I-5 offers up one spectacular set-piece after another with Christopher McQuarrie’s guiding hand keeping things fresh and fun. Cruise’s mad devotion to performing his own stunts further proves just what a bonafide movie star the guy is. Precious few actors are this devoted to putting themselves in harm’s way to ensure their audience is fully entertained. The real pleasure of this series is in watching the odds increasingly stacked against his character and how he manages to overcome them regardless. Unlike the overtly CG-ridden summer cinema that saturates the majority of the season, the stunts here look and feel real, painfully so at times. Few things are more thrilling than watching one of the most insane car/motorcycle chase sequences ever filmed and seeing beyond any doubt that it is in fact Mr. Cruise going a zillion miles an hour on a motorcycle.

Where Rogue Nation stumbles, and what holds it back from being on the same level as its predecessor, is in the moments between the action. Where Bird managed to keep Ghost Protocol’s pace up and running at all times (even during the slower moments) McQuarrie’s direction isn’t quite as deft. Character motivations feel a bit muddled at times and stretches of the film are devoted to explaining dull, confusing plot details. But the sheer exhilaration of the action, the chemistry of the main cast, and the overall entertainment value are more than worth these minor shortcomings.

With Rogue Nation, Mission: Impossible firmly asserts itself as one of modern cinema’s best franchises. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it is, to put it bluntly, exactly what action cinema should be aspiring to in this day and age, even despite its flaws. Word on the street is that a sixth entry is due to begin production as soon as next year. Here’s hoping the creative team is able to maintain the quality of the series’ last few entries. I, for one, will be more than happy to accept whatever missions they throw my way.

This review will self-destruct in five seconds.

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Sorry, no. I don’t think that’s actually possible. I just thought that would be a cool way to end it. And then I had to go and ruin it with this additional rambling.

Actually, you know what? Maybe THIS is the review self-destructing!

I’m just gonna let myself out now.

FINAL RATING: 4/5