Shawn's Dashingly Splendiferously Most Anticipated Movies of 2013

Alright, let's face the facts: Thus far, 2013 hasn't been quite the knockout year for cinema that one would have hoped for. I haven't had the opportunity to see anything other than Warm Bodies myself, but judging from professional reviews and audience reactions alike, nothing released in the past few months has been worth getting all hot and bothered about. From A Good Day to Die Hard to the more recent Oz the Great and Powerful, the films I've been anticipating the most haven't elicited a response much more enthusiastic than an indifferent shrug of the shoulders.

But not all is lost, my friends and companions!! If the upcoming release calendar indicates anything, it's that we're just getting warmed up. And in order to give you hope to guide you through these droll and dreary moviegoing days of early 2013, I have compiled a list of the ten films that are almost certainly guaranteed to whet your whistle and exceed all your wildest hopes and dreams. These films are poised to ensure that 2013 ends up being a worthy year for cinema after all!

And now, without further delay, let's push off, shall we?

(Listed in alphabetical order, because ranking things has become oh so tiresome...Although, the first film on the list is easily the one I am most looking forward to...)

BEFORE MIDNIGHT (Release Date: May 24 - LIMITED)

Directed by Richard Linklater

Okay, so some of you may not be familiar with them, but Before Sunrise (1995) and Before Sunset (2004) - the  collaborations between esteemed director Richard Linklater and the multitalented writers/actors Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy - are two entries in what could very well be the definitive cinematic love story of all time. They also happen to be my personal favorite films. Never has a relationship been examined and dissected in such an honest, heartfelt way and Hawke and Delpy as the two leads transcend simple performances to portray something much more genuine and, at times, heartbreakingly real. The first two entries have already been hailed as modern masterpieces and, judging from the early critical reaction it's garnered, Before Midnight may be the best of the lot.

Variety's Justin Chang praises the film, stating, "One of the great movie romances of the modern era achieves its richest and fullest expression...Exquisite, melancholy, hilarious, and cathartic."

BIG SUR (Release Date: TBD)
Directed by Michael Polish

I'll be the first to admit that Walter Salles' interpretation of Jack Kerouac's On the Road was lacking in nearly every which way. Its biggest fault was abandoning the spirit of its author's interpretations of life, love, friendship, and adventure. It seems almost fitting that On the Road's darker, more pessimistic spiritual sequel Big Sur should get its big screen due in the year following On the Road's release. The storyline follows the exploits of Kerouac's downward spiral into the alcoholism that would end his life.

Big Sur may not have a release date yet, but judging from its hypnotizing trailer, it promises to be quite the visual powerhouse and a powerful examination of a man at the end of his rope:

GRAVITY (Release Date: October 4)
Directed by Alfonso Cuaron

Alfonso Cuaron's first full length feature since his 2006 masterpiece Children of Men continues to be shrouded in mystery. All that's been released, aside from one or two production stills, is its plot synopsis: Two astronauts trapped on a damaged space station attempt to find their way back to Earth. We also know that George Clooney and Sandra Bullock are the film's leads and that Cuaron penned the screenplay with his son Jonas.

Honestly, Cuaron could make a movie about two people sitting in a living room and it would end up being a work of visual splendor and compelling drama, so I have nothing but high hopes for this one.

IRON MAN 3 (Release Date: May 3)
Directed by Shane Black

To be quite frank, the latest Iron Man 3 trailer isn't doing much for me. I'm not sure what it is about it that turns me off, but it doesn't matter; nothing could possibly deter my excitement for this one. The original Iron Man still stands tall as one of the finest superhero outings of all time. Even though its sequel's reputation isn't nearly as positive, I honestly don't mind it too much. Electing Shane Black to helm the third entry of this profitable series though was an inspired decision and is the primary reason I'm so excited to see how it turns out. Ben Kingsley as the Mandarin looks rather spectacular as well!

If Black manages to pull this one off though, it'll be the first quality third superhero movie ever made!! (And no, for those of you still wondering, The Dark Knight Rises doesn't DOESN'T count)

KILL YOUR DARLINGS (Release Date: TBD) - 
Directed by John Krokidas

Kill Your Darlings is second only to Before Midnight as the film I am most excited to see this year. The story follows the early, early days of the Beat Generation and its formation. It pays particular attention to the coming of age of Allen Ginsberg (Played by Daniel Radcliffe) and his friend/object of affection Lucien Carr (Dane DeHaan of Chronicle fame). I've always been particularly fond of Radcliffe and I'm very excited to see what he does with this role. DeHaan, one of the finest young actors of his generation, is also quickly becoming one of my favorites. You've also got Ben Foster as William Burroughs, Jack Huston as Jack Kerouac, and Michael C. Hall as the deeply disturbed David Kammerer. This is already shaping up to be one of the finest films of the year.

MAN OF STEEL (Release Date: June 14) -
Directed by Zack Snyder

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I was actually quite fond of Bryan Singer's oft-criticized Superman Returns. It wasn't quite the rousing event it should have been, but, despite what certain viewers have said, it certainly wasn't a travesty either. Even with my appreciation of the film, I can recognize its shortcomings - Slavish devotion to Richard Donner's iconic take on the character; a rather dull storyline; a dreadful Lois Lane; that damned Super Kid. As far as I'm concerned, Donner's original Superman film still stands tall as the Godfather of superhero flicks. The only issue with it now is that it is, along with its weaker sequels, hopelessly dated. Superman is very much in need of a revival and from what I've seen, Man of Steel may be up to the task.

Now as you may or may not already know, I'm not the biggest Zack Snyder fan; the guy knows how to make pretty pictures, but hasn't quite mastered the ability to back them up with meaningful storytelling. With this in mind, I'm still rather excited to see what he's cooked up here. The trailers have been nothing short of magnificent and the film's screenwriter David S. Goyer has hinted that these previews only just barely scratch the tip of the iceberg. Henry Cavill looks great in the role and Amy Adams seems the perfect choice for Lois. Will audiences finally embrace a modern day take on the Man of Steel? We'll have to wait until the summer to find out!

PACIFIC RIM (Release Date: July 12) 
Directed by Guillermo Del Toro

A movie in which giant, human operated robots do battle against enormous monsters written and directed by mastermind Guillermo Del Toro.

Um...do you really need me to explain why this will be awesome??

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS (Release Date: May 17)
Directed by J.J. Abrams

Hardcore Trekkies may disagree with me (Or Trekkers, or whatever the hell you guys call yourselves now), but I'm of the strong opinion that J.J. Abrams was the best thing to happen to Star Trek in a long time. His 2009 reboot of the long dormant series brought the entire franchise roaring back to life with a sorely needed adrenaline kick. To date, it stands as the series' most critically acclaimed and financially successful entry and for good reason - It's pretty flipping awesome.

With all this in mind, there's really no reason to not be ecstatic for this long awaited sequel. Judging from all of its previews, the action levels have been kicked up to 11. Add Benedict Cumberbatch to the mix as a mysterious villain (Is he Khan?? IS HE????) and you've got the recipe for a summer sequel that seems destined to live up to its hype. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Into Darkness will delve a bit more into the philosophy discussions that elevated the television series and the better films from being just mindless entertainment, but, regardless, I couldn't be more pumped.

THE WIND RISES (Release Date: TBD) - 
Directed by Hayao Miyazaki

I don't know too much about Hayao Miyazaki's latest effort other than it being some kind of biography about Jiro Horikoshi, the man who designed Japanese fighter planes. Truth be told, I'm not exactly sure if this is getting a US release date this year (It's being released in Japan this year, that's for certain). Nevertheless, Miyazaki is one of the greatest filmmakers of all time and I eagerly await anything he creates.

THE WORLD'S END (Release Date: August 23) - 
Directed by Edgar Wright

Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are easily two of the finest comedies ever created. Period. Any collaboration between Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, and writer/director Edgar Wright seems destined to be hilarious, genuinely exciting, and surprisingly touching. There may not be much in the way of a trailer or plot specifics regarding their latest release (Something about a group of buddies bar hopping as Armageddon happens all around them), but one thing's for certain: If it's anything like the trio's previous collaborations, it'll be something to get very excited about.


THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS!! LET THE COUNTDOWN TO OUR FIRST RELEASE BEGIN! MAY IS ONLY A MONTH AWAY....

A Review for Warm Bodies!

Warm Bodies just might be the most adorable zombie movie you will ever see in all your life. This is both good and bad depending on your point of view. While it's harmless enough to warrant a polite pat on the back, it doesn't excel in any particular way. It's slightly funny, minimally scary, and not particularly inventive. The overall package is disappointing considering the charming concept at its core. Nevertheless, it's still moderately likeable even if the end results are disappointingly pedestrian.

Warm Bodies is the story of a zombie named 'R.' As far as he is aware, he used to be a pretty normal kid, but these days he's doomed to aimless wanderings and brain eatings. R falls in love with a beautiful young miss named Julie, rescuing her from a horrific fate after her and her friends are attacked during a mission to collect supplies. He sneaks her to his vacated plane hideout which is decorated with an assorted collection of various items he has discovered. As Julie soon discovers, R is not like other zombies. He's compassionate, caring, has a love for music and collecting old vinyl, and even attempts to communicate with her, albeit limitedly. As they spend more and more time together, R begins to exhibit more human qualities and Julie can't help but develop feelings for him. Naturally. And who can blame her? He's so dreamy!!

It may be attempting to bank off the success of the abysmal Twilight series, but Warm Bodies is both cleverer and more fun. It's also about as lukewarm as you can get. As I mentioned earlier, its intriguing concept shows promise for some really great ideas, but writer/director Jonathan Levine of 50/50 fame doesn't seem much interested in putting forth the effort to make this one really special. As a random side note, Levine's insistence on placing random contemporary tunes into the flick is awkward and makes him seem more like a film school student deparately trying to show off his music collection than anything else.

The performances are what really keep this whole project afloat. Nicholas Hoult as R is very charming and his costar Teresa Palmer's performance as his love interest is sweet and effective. She's kind of like Kristen Stewart...only prettier and, you know, talented or something.

So, at the end of the day, I can't really wholeheartedly recommend Warm Bodies, but it's harmless fun in an unaffecting way. You could do much, much worse and there's enough to enjoy here that it wouldn't qualify as a complete waste of time.

FINAL RATING: 3/5

Shawn Eastridge's Fantastically Spectacular Favorite Movies of 2012 Part 3: THE BIG TEN!!

And now we come to it at last! The great battle of our time! Also known as Part 3 to my super epic favorite films of 2012 list. We've waded through the muck of disappointment and all around awfulness and taken a gander at some of the more solid work to come out that year. Now, brace yourselves and behold the final chapter: The ten best films of 2012. 

Of course, this is all a matter of opinion, as you are more than well aware, but I hold these films in very high regard and truly believe them to be the best of the best.

First things first, there were many great films released last year and I, sadly, did not get a chance to see all of them. Here's a few of the ones that showed great potential and could have very well ended up on this list, but simply escaped my viewing pleasure:

- AMOUR

- THE COMEDY

- FLIGHT

- THE GREY

- THE IMPOSSIBLE

- THE INTOUCHABLES

- KILLER JOE

- THE RAID: REDEMPTION

- SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED

- WRECK-IT RALPH

Alright, enough dilly-dallying. Let's start things off with number ten on the list...

10. SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS
Writer/Director Martin McDonagh gained critical acclaim and recognition for his under the radar sleeper hit In Bruges. But, nothing in that film can quite compare to the unleashed inventiveness and all around zaniness of his follow up feature. With a knockout cast featuring the likes of Colin Farrell, Sam Rockwell, Christopher Walken, Woody Harrelson, and even a funny, slightly terrifying turn from Tom Waits, Seven Psychopaths is hilarious, original, shockingly violent, and, most of all, tons of fun.

9. LINCOLN
What could have been a dry take on our 16th president's attempts to abolish slavery and end the Civil War ends up being a heartening tale of courage in the face of thoughtless prejudice. Master filmmaker Steven Spielberg delivers another strong outing and, thanks to his impeccable skill, he manages to keep our interest in the story and politics by developing its human side. It's to his credit that the film never drags, feels overbearing, or too dull and that's saying a lot coming from someone who couldn't care less about political debates and whatnot. This is also due to some phenomenal acting talent. Daniel Day Lewis is, as always, a marvel to behold and Tommy Lee Jones delivers one of his finest performances.

8. CABIN IN THE WOODS
The brainchild of Joss Whedon and his frequent collaborator Drew Goddard Cabin in the Woods may win the award for best concept of the year. It deserves an even shinier award for its flawless execution. Goddard's direction is spectacular, keeping us on the edge of our seats with countless twists and turns that keep the laughter and scares coming at every given moment. Any fan of horror films deserves to give this one a shot - It'll make all your dreams come true. Even if you're not a horror fan, you owe it to yourself to witness the brilliance of clever filmmaking that fires on all cylinders. Cabin in the Woods simultaneously announces the arrival of a new directing talent while serving as further confirmation that Whedon is an absolute genius.

7. THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER
The Perks of Being a Wallflower thoroughly encapsulates everything that's wonderful/horrifying/heartbreaking about being a high school freshman and falling in love for the first time. At all turns, it is genuinely funny and, at times, all too painfully real. But as everyone is well aware, life is not without its fair share of struggles and Perks offers comfort in the knowledge that as long as one has friends by their side, things might turn out okay. The main story is a bit generic and every so often it teeters off into trite territory, but it's the characters and the performances that elevate this material beyond the usual high school experience schlock that tries to pass as cinema these days. Ezra Miller and Emma Watson are both charming and lovely in their roles, but the real star of the show is Logan Lerman as our main hero Charlie. His performance is remarkable and feels completely honest and heartfelt.

In a way, Perks feels like the best John Hughes movie John Hughes never made. I have a feeling if he was still with us today, he would give his enthusiastic seal of approval. It already feels like a timeless classic and rightfully so: It's a genuine treasure.

6. LIFE OF PI
Easily one of the most beautiful motion pictures of the year, if not the most beautiful. Life of Pi is the story of Pi Patel, the lone human survivor of a tragic shipwreck that killed his family and left him stranded in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. He shares a lifeboat with a vicious Bengal tiger named Richard Parker and, over the course of the film's running length, we are treated to visual splendor after visual splendor in addition to a remarkable story of courage, love, the meaning of suffering, and one's purpose in life. Shot in 3D, Life of Pi is best viewed in the format, taking full advantage of the technology. It is easily one of the best uses of 3D I've ever witnessed. But, visual mastery aside, Life of Pi is deeply moving and woven to perfection by director Ang Lee. It's emotionally satisfying and all around magnificent.

5. DJANGO UNCHAINED
Master filmmaker Quentin Tarantino's latest masterpiece is pure entertainment from beginning to end. The story of a slave turned bounty hunter and his journey to rescue his long lost wife from the clutches of a sinister madman is woven with Tarantino's unbeatable zest for storytelling and pure filmmaking. Every one of his films feels like a celebration of what cinema is capable of and Django is naturally no exception. It may, however, be the most all-around crowd pleasing film Tarantino has ever produced. Everything about it is on point from the spectacular dialogue to the superb casting choices which feature Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Kerry Washington, and a wonderful, menacing performance from Leonardo DiCaprio.

Has Tarantino reached his peak? Every time I think he's reached the pinnacle of his talent, he outdoes himself again. I didn't think he could do much better than Inglorious Basterds, but Django has proven me wrong. I hope he never stops making movies. The cinematic world would be a much darker place without him.

4. ARGO
Based on the true story of CIA operative Tony Mendez's mission to extract U.S. diplomats from Iran under the guise of a film crew, Argo is one of those perfect entertainments that seems to have everything going for it. Ben Affleck weaves this thrilling tale with superb, heartfelt gusto, and even gives a really fantastic performance as well. Seemingly overnight, Affleck has gone from being one of the most mocked performers in Hollywood to one of its most talented filmmakers. Supporting performances are also fantastic, especially Alan Arkin and John Goodman as producing mogul Lester Siegel and special effects guru John Chambers respectively. Argo's story is that of true courage in the face of insurmountable odds and it is unquestionably an outstanding film. If I have to make a pick for the Best Picture Oscar, I'd say this one deserves it the most.

3. MARVEL'S THE AVENGERS
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession to make: While watching Marvel's long awaited superhero team up flick, I shed a tear or two. It was the moment when the whole team has finally been assembled and the camera dramatically spins around them as they stare down their enemies before unleashing their might in the final showdown. It wasn't my inner fanboy that inspired these tears. Truth be told, I'm not a huge fan of Marvel's turnout prior to this one. Sure, I loved Iron Man, but its sequel along with The Incredible Hulk, Thor, and Captain America didn't do much for me. So, why then did I actually shed tears during this moment? Because, FINALLY, someone has chosen to treat these heroes with the respect they deserve and, as a result, something I never thought I would ever see happen actually happened: The superheroes finally teamed up in a single movie and it exceeded and shattered all expectations, becoming the new pinnacle for superhero filmmaking and big budget entertainment in general (Eat your heart out, Christopher Nolan).

Chalk it up to the genius that is Joss Whedon that The Avengers is not just exciting, but hilarious and heartfelt as well. The cast excels on all fronts, playing off each other perfectly and the action sequences are, no joke, some of the greatest that have ever been committed to celluloid. When it comes to pure entertainment value, The Avengers is a modern day Star Wars and, like that cinematic classic, it's a blockbusting masterpiece.

2. SKYFALL
The James Bond franchise has been a staple of cinema for the past fifty years. After twenty-two films of varying quality, who knew that with its 23rd entry, Bond would reach an all new level of outstanding quality. The genius of director Sam Mendes and this screenplay is that they honor everything that makes Bond such an enduring character while simultaneously pushing the character in all kinds of new directions that have yet to be explored. It's easily the best action flick of 2012, but it's also one of the more visually stunning films to be released this year. Arguably, THE most stunning. Cinematographer Roger Deakins simply has no equal and his work here is some of his best yet. A stunning sequence atop a skyscraper illuminated by neon lights and a subsequent fight scene backlit by said lights gives new meaning to the term 'jaw-dropping.'

Skyfall's performances are off the charts too, with Javier Bardem filling the role of the villain. He gives a spellbinding performance that cements him as one of the best baddies Bond has ever faced. Daniel Craig is, as always, spectacular and Judi Dench gives her finest performance in the series. The relationship between Bond and his boss M has never been more moving. The action and stunts are all top-notch, but don't be surprised if, for the first time in the series' history, you find yourself shedding a tear or two by the film's conclusion. Everything combines in a perfect package that makes Skyfall a thing of pure beauty.

1. MOONRISE KINGDOM
Time and time again writer/director Wes Anderson has enthralled and captivated us with his unique storytelling, his unprecedented storybook visuals, and heartfelt stories and characters. The man has made modern masterpiece after modern masterpiece from Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums to The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and The Darjeeling Limited (Both underrated gems). He's even got some animation under his belt with Fantastic Mr. Fox! He continually re-raises the bar for himself. And yet, somehow, Anderson surpasses even his own standards with what may very well be his masterpiece: Moonrise Kingdom. This story of young love is so touching, so utterly captivating and heartwarming, and so visually majestic, it's sometimes hard to believe it even exists. Its beauty is so immense that at times it's utterly heartbreaking.

Per usual, Anderson has filled his cast with some of the best actors working in this day and age: Edward Norton, Frances McDormand, Bruce Willis, and even Anderson regulars Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman. The stars of the show, though, are newcomers Jared Gilman and Kara Hayward as the two leads. They both give seemingly effortless and delightful performances.

Anderson is in complete, utter control of his craft with Moonrise Kingdom. It spins its fairy tale story with a wink and a nudge, but it never once feels pretentious or false. Even with his fairy tale sensibilities and slightly exaggerated style, Wes Anderson is crafting some of the most genuine and heartfelt movies of this day and age. I can't wait to see what he has up his sleeve next!



And there you have it, my friends!! My top ten films of 2012! Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!!!! Fare thee well!!!

Shawn Eastridge's Fantastically Spectacular Favorite Movies of 2012 Part 2: The So Very Close 'Uns

Hello again!!

Welcome back to tonight's feature presentation of Shawn Eastridge's Fantastically Spectacular Favorite Movies of 2012!!

Tonight's topic is the Honorable Mentions. These are the ones I thoroughly enjoyed, but, for one reason or another, missed being in the top 10 by that much. They are all solid films and I highly recommend you give them a shot to see what you think!! 

And away we go!!

21 JUMP STREET
I really didn't expect to like this one, but color me pleasantly surprised. This remake/reboot/whatever of 21 Jump Street is surprisingly clever and hilarious. There's great chemistry between stars Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum and who knew Tatum could be so funny?

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN
I have a love/hate relationship with this one. On the one hand, The Amazing Spider-Man is serviceable entertainment with a cute little romance sandwiched in for good measure. On the other hand, it's also a remake of a vastly superior film that only just came out ten years prior. It also manages to completely butcher the character of Peter Parker, turning him into some kind of hip rebel without a cause instead of the awkward nerd who ends up with superpowers. Still, its charm is mostly genuine thanks to endearing performances from Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. It can't help but feel slight, but it's no Spider-Man 3, that's for certain.

If, however, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 rolls around and it continues this reboot's trend of having nothing new to offer, I shall not be so forgiving.

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD
A touching fairy tale-esque story about a young girl and her father living in a southern Louisiana bayou, disconnected from the perils of the 'real world.' Beasts of the Southern Wild sports some beautiful images, great performances, and a heart of gold. It didn't wow me quite as much as I hoped it would, but it's still enjoyable.

BERNIE
I love Richard Linklater. Plain and simple. That being said, his films as of late tend to be pretty hit or miss. Thankfully, Bernie is a definite hit. For the first time since 2004's excellent School of Rock, Linklater reunites with the fantastic (and highly underrated) Jack Black. This pseudo documentary about the true events involving Bernie Tiede is hilarious, disturbing, and somehow touching. Black gives one of the finest performances of his career and Linklater weaves this tale with the greatest of ease.

CHRONICLE
Chronicle takes a tired storyline (Superhero origin story) and an even more tired gimmick (Found footage) and brings them together to create something astonishingly fresh and unique. The story of three teens graced with superpowers by a mysterious spaceship is charming and fun. It features a knockout screenplay Max Landis (Yes, as in John Landis' son Max Landis) and excellent performances. Dane DeHaan as the lead character Andrew is the clear standout and, just as Senator Palpatine did with Anakin Skywalker, I shall be watching his career with great interest. The characters are what really set this film head and shoulders above the rest and I wouldn't be surprised to see this one gain some kind of classic status as time goes on.

CLOUD ATLAS
I went into Cloud Atlas well aware that it was nearly three hours long and written and directed by the Wachowski Brothers...*AHEM* siblings...along with Run Lola Run director Tom Tykwer. I was expecting it to be slow, talky, and pretentious. I was stunned to discover it was actually fun, exciting, and genuinely heartfelt. Sure, some of the storylines are extraneous, but somehow, Cloud Atlas managed to hold my interest thanks mostly to some top-notch direction and strong performances.

DREDD
I've never had the displeasure of viewing the unfortunate Sylvester Stallone outing that is 1995's Judge Dredd. Thanks to the latest iteration of the comic book character, I don't suppose I'll ever have to. Dredd is ridiculously violent and gleefully so. It's balls to the walls non-stop action with minimal storytelling and it makes no apologies; it doesn't have to. It's exciting and suspenseful and Karl Urban is so spectacular that I can barely stand it. It's a shame that this one flopped so badly at the box office, but I sense it has the makings of a true cult classic.

LOOPER
Looper is easily one of the most creative concepts of the past decade. Whoever thought up the idea that Joseph Gordon-Levitt should duke it out with a future version of himself portrayed by Bruce Willis is a genius. I presume we have Rian Johnson to thank for that. Sadly, there isn't much duking between these two guys and it's unfortunate that Johnson couldn't stick with the thrill of this initial concept. Instead he chooses to go off on a slightly less interesting tangent involving a romantic interest and a crazy psychic kid. Still, it wasn't enough to kill my enjoyment of the movie and Looper works well enough overall as a solid action flick. Nevertheless, I can't help but wonder what might have been...

THE MASTER
Paul Thomas Anderson is one of the greatest directors working in this day and age. The man is a genius. His visuals are on par with the greats of cinema, Kubrick included. Though his latest effort, The Master, is a bit too pretentious for its own good, it's still a visual marvel and features stunning performances from Joaquin Phoenix (Perhaps the best of his career) and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Don't be surprised though if you find yourself feeling rather indifferent about the whole affair by its conclusion.

THIS IS NOT A FILM
A fascinating examination of one artist's fight to do what he loves, despite the restraints imposed upon him by his country. Iranian filmmaker Jafar Panahi is under house arrest and facing a twenty year ban from making movies. This doesn't stop him from inviting his friend over to film him as he discusses his plans for what his next project would have been. This is Not a Film serves as a powerful reminder of the freedoms we so often take for granted and is nothing short of inspirational.

And that's that for the Honorable Mentions section! Stay tuned for the big finale: The top ten of 2012!!

Shawn Eastridge's Fantastically Spectacular Favorite Movies of 2012 Part 1: The Not-Sa-Good's

Greetings readers!!!!

2012: What a year! There were triumphs and tragedies. Laughs and tears. Freaks and Geeks. And so on and so forth. 2012 may go down in history as one of the biggest years cinema had to offer. You've got your long awaited superhero team-up movie, the conclusion to Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight saga, Ridley Scott's long-awaited return to science fiction, and even new tales from Middle-Earth.

It's not too much of a stretch to say that the geeks have inherited the earth by this point. Or, at the very least, the entertainment industry.

Per usual, some of the finest films released this year didn't reveal themselves in all their glory until the very end, but boy oh boy, they were oh so fine and worth the wait, weren't they?

Anyway, this list marks the beginning of my three-part saga, which will conclude with a rousing battle at Hogwarts and my top ten films of 2012. But, before we can get to the greats, we have to trudge through the disappointments and the worst of the worst.

Let's push off, shall we?

THE NOT-SA-GOOD'S OF 2012:

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES
What a complete disaster. Few films pack such a wallop of disappointment as Christopher Nolan's final Dark Knight chapter. Though many of you out there are still hopelessly clinging to the notion that this was a satisfying conclusion, the filter of insurmountable expectations blinds you from the undeniable truth: The Dark Knight Rises just plain sucks. Big time. Characters are butchered beyond recognition, plotlines are undercooked and illogical, and the action is just about as dull as can be. The whole thing is even more disappointing when one considers the massive talents behind the camera. What could have possibly inspired them to be so uninspired? For shame, Mr. Nolan. For shame.

THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
Peter Jackson, the brilliant filmmaker who guided The Lord of the Rings into the ranks of cinematic masterpieces, proves once and for all that George Lucas syndrome may actually be contagious. This first installment of a proposed trilogy based on J.R.R. Tolkien's flimsy novel does little to nothing to illicit excitement for its two remaining entries. It's overstuffed with mind-numbing plotlines and superfluous characters whilst containing none of the majesty or grace of the trilogy that preceded it. It's nothing more than a dreadful bore and such a crushing disappointment.

LES MISERABLES
One of the most overblown productions I've ever had the misfortune of seeing is undermined by some truly horrific direction. With the exception of Anne Hathway's performance, there is nothing moving or awe-inspiring about this mediocre take on a spectacular musical.

ON THE ROAD
Jack Kerouac, one of the 20th century's greatest and most influential writers, gets a mellow, uninspired adaptation of his most famous novel. Visuals aside, performances are disinterested and its script/direction have no grasp of what it was that made the Beat Generation so fascinating. What we're left with is aimless wanderings and empty philosophical ramblings that don't hold the slightest bit of wax of a candle to Kerouac's genius.

PROMETHEUS
Ridley Scott's Alien prequel manages to rip off just about every single Sci-Fi and Horror cliche imaginable, resulting in a final product that is neither exciting nor frightening. Prometheus is uninspired, convoluted storytelling at its finest.

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK
Well, I do unfortunately find myself in the minority here, but I find Silver Linings Playbook to be trite, contrived, and boring. It features two great performances from Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence, but, other than that, it doesn't aspire to be much more than misguided sitcom drivel.

ZERO DARK THIRTY
I don't know if any movie released in 2012 bored me to the extent that Zero Dark Thirty did. For nearly two hours, we are treated to a cyclical series of events that involve fruitless searching for Bin Laden, endless interrogations of hostages regarding his location or people who might know his location, lots of walking through hallways, and oodles upon oodles of sitting around in offices, staring at computer screens. There are no characters to invest in, no storyline to follow, and the outcome of the whole ordeal is already known to us, so there's not much suspense either - At least, not until the final glorious thirty minutes. ZERO DARK THIRTY is anything but a great flick and doesn't even stand in the same league as Bigelow's previous outing The Hurt Locker.

AND WHAT, PRAY TELL, IS THE WORST FILM OF 2012? DO YOU REALLY NEED TO ASK??

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 2
What you see before you, ladies and gentlemen, is no optical illusion, but an actual character in this travesty. Every moment he is on screen fills me with the strangest combination of sexual desire and revulsion the likes of which I have never known in all my life. I have yet to win a staring contest with him. If I ever did, I am certain it would be the end of civilization as we know it.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes...

The final nail in the coffin that is Twilight proves once and for all that this so-called saga is nothing more than a money-grubbing slap in the face to anyone who has the slightest trace of intelligence or even a minimal regard for artistic integrity. This series stands tall with Transformers as what is quite possibly the lowest of low points for modern cinema.


COMING SOON: THE HONORABLE MENTIONS & SHAWN'S TOP TEN OF 2012!!

This is Not a Film, but it may be some kind of masterpiece

THIS IS NOT A FILM

The man in the picture above is esteemed Iranian filmmaker Jafar Panahi. In 2011, he was condemned to house arrest and facing a potential six-year prison sentence due to the Iranian government's proclamation that he was creating anti-Iran propaganda in his films. He is also facing a potential twenty-year ban on filmmaking, giving foreign interviews of any kind, or even leaving the country. As he awaited the results on an appeal for his case, he switched on a video camera and began to record a day in his apartment. And so begins This is Not a Film: a powerful rally for artistic freedom and a fascinating look at one artist's fight to hold onto his dreams.

Throughout the course of the film (Or non-film...whatever we're calling it), we pay witness to Panahi's life - His conversations with lawyers, family, neighbors, etc. When his friend and colleague Motjaba Mintahmasb pays him a visit, Panahi hands over the camera and, with screenplay in hand, begins to dictate to us what his next feature would have been if that pesky Iranian government hadn't gotten in the way. He interjects with location scout footage and shows off headshots of the various actors he had planned to cast. He also traces out a floor plan on his living room rug representing the apartment location he had originally intended to use. He describes everything with a youthful energy and even takes the time to explain how an actor can bring something to the role that wasn't in the script (He shows footage from one of his earlier films in which an acting noobie gives a very natural performance). Throughout the rest of his day, he appears to engage in a regular routine: Watching movies, watching the news, discussing his sentence, watching the fireworks outside (And filming them with his iPhone), all this while taking care of the family's pet iguana.

It may not seem like much is happening, but what we are seeing in This is Not a Film is nothing short of extraordinary. The fact that Panahi was able to perform a quiet rebellion of sorts and express himself artistically despite the limitations placed on him is astonishing and should cause all aspiring filmmakers who do nothing more than sit on their asses all day as they wait for a great wave to sweep them to fame and fortune feel awfully ashamed of themselves.

It may not be conventional storytelling, but This is Not a Film serves as a resounding protest against artistic oppression and this alone makes it an admirable effort in every conceivable respect. My best wishes to Jafar, his family, and friends. I hope he finds his way to freedom soon.

FINAL RATING: 4/5

Zero Dark Thirty manages to enthrall my boredom like no other!!

Greetings, reader!!

Have you pondered many a sleepless night away with questions about America's hunt for Osama Bin Laden? Have you always wanted to learn more about the men and women who devoted themselves to finding Bin Laden and bringing him to justice? Would you like nothing more than to watch these men and women spend countless hours staring blankly at computer screens, scanning hostage torture footage, and endless conversations in which the people being interrogated send their questioners on wild goose chases by providing them with minimal information regarding Bin Laden's whereabouts? If these are the things that strike your fancy, then the first two hours of Kathryn Bigelow's Zero Dark Thirty will feel heaven sent. If, however, you are more inclined to desire anything remotely captivating in your filmgoing experiences, say a storyline worth following or even characters you can connect to, you may want to keep looking. Bigelow's follow up to her Oscar winning The Hurt Locker is a dreadful bore, an exercise in tedium unfolding at a glacial pace that makes 2001: A Space Odyssey look like Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Quite frankly, I'm a bit astonished at the near universal acclaim Zero Dark Thirty has been receiving. I don't think I've ever been so bored in a movie theater this year and I've seen The Hobbit. Sure, Bigelow's direction is solid enough. The film is shot with a 'fly on the wall' urgency that desperately attempts to distract us from the glaring fact that not much is happening in the first couple hours of its two and a half hour running length. There's practically nothing to connect to during this time. The plot and situations are a cyclical series of events that are sluggish beyond all belief. Nearly every scene features someone sitting in an office, walking down a hallway, or an interrogation which recycles the same exchanges over and over. They look a little something like this:

Interrogator: "Where is Osama Bin Laden?"

Terrorist: "You will never find him."

Interrogator: "Oh yeah?" *TORTURE* "How 'bout now?"

Terrorist: "Okay, okay, I'll tell you the truth. I don't know where he is, but 'so-and-so' might."

Interrogator: "Thanks, bro."

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

And speaking of torture, I'm not sure why this film is garnering up so much controversy about its supposed 'explicit' torture scenes. It's disturbing, yes, but pretty tame in terms of its graphicness. Even Casino Royale had a torture scene more painful to watch than the ones on display here. Come to think of it, the only torturous thing about Zero Dark Thirty is its running length.

Between brief moments in which I desperately tried to fall asleep, I managed to take notice of the decent, but overall unimpressive performance of Jessica Chastain as Maya, the agent in charge of tracking Bin Laden down. Now, make no mistake, Chastain has oodles of talent; anyone who's seen her in Tree of Life or Take Shelter can attest to that. She's honestly one of my favorite actors working today. Her performance here, though, is mostly monotone. She gets a nice little moment in which she yells at a superior and another random outburst of emotion at the film's close, but for the remainder of the film, she spends her time staring blankly at computer screens, terrorist hostages, colleagues, and maybe a wall or two. When she's given dialogue, she recites it with all the enthusiasm of a high schooler being forced to read passages outloud in their English class. Other performances in the movie are mostly anonymous thanks to a boring beyond all reason screenplay by Mark Boal.

A couple of terrorist attacks are peppered throughout the story, probably in the hopes that the viewing audience will be jarred from their napping, but there is very little in the way of actual suspense, emotion, or thrills. That is, until the film's climax, which involves Seal Team Six's assault on the Bin Laden hideaway. This twenty to thirty minute sequence is easily the strongest of the entire movie. Bigelow shows off her knack for crafting high wire tension and one finally recalls why people consider her to be talented. Truth be told, even with the minimal screen time they received, I cared more about the soldiers involved in the attack than anyone else I'd been forced to spend time with in the preceding two hours. It's a glimpse of another better movie and it's a shame it's not the one we got to see.

FINAL RATING: 2.5/5