Dawn of the Planet of the Apes makes a monkey out of its summer competition

The Godfather Part II. The Empire Strikes Back. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. The Dark Knight. Just in case you’re a bit slow on the uptake, these are all sequels that not only managed to meet the expectations of their masterful predecessors; in some cases they even surpassed them. Now, you can add Dawn of the Planet of the Apes to the list; a remarkable sequel, which takes everything that made Rise of the Planet of the Apes such a rollicking surprise and amplifies them by adding new layers of pathos, character development and intensity. Dawn elevates this franchise to a whole new level of awesomeness. Dr. Zaius would be proud.

At the film’s start, a horrible virus has already wiped out most of humanity. In the wake of this catastrophe, Caeser (Andy Serkis, reprising his role as our hero from Rise of the Planet of the Apes), governs a new generation of genetically evolved super-apes. This civilization is cut off from the rest of the world and the apes go about living, learning and loving in peace. When a small band of human survivors stumbles upon the outskirts of their home, it begins a downward spiral, which will ultimately lead to an explosive showdown between humans and apes. Why can’t we all just get along??

Director Matt Reeves has officially cemented himself as one of the most talented working directors of this day and age. I’m a huge fan of his first film Cloverfield and was pleasantly surprised by his remake of the Swedish classic Let the Right One In, but both of those films play like warm-ups to his work here. He takes his time building suspense and his action sequences aren’t just composed of mindless explosions and computer generated trickery; there’s a weight to the proceedings that evokes a real sense of dread. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes uses the morose mood in its favor and in a way that thankfully doesn’t feel like a tacky knockoff of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy. (COUGH*MANOFSTEEL*COUGH*) There are moments of understated beauty here, moments that tend to get overlooked in these kinds of films and I’m so thankful that Reeves included them.

While we’re on the subject of effects, can we just go ahead and give this SFX team all the awards now? They’ve really raised the bar, combining state of the art technology with empathetic animation. And if there is any reason to revisit the ‘Why can’t a computer generated performance qualify for a ‘Best Actor’ Oscar?’ argument, Andy Serkis’ performance as Caeser is it. His capabilities as an actor are truly extraordinary and his performance in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes may be his best this side of Gollum in The Lord of the Rings. Equally strong is Toby Kebbell as the rebellious and dangerous Koba, who spent the majority of his life as a lab experiment and has nothing but contempt for the human race.

The human cast fares about as well as they can in the wake of these two stunning performances. Jason Clarke and Gary Oldman stand at the forefront; the supporting cast featuring Keri Russell, Kodi Smit-Mcphee and Kirk Acevedo give strong performances, despite the limitations of their more simplistic characterizations. The screenplay by Mark Bomback, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver does an excellent job of fleshing out its characters so they serve a greater purpose than to stand and gape at all the pretty effects, but there’s no question that the apes steal the show here.

Technically, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is flawless. I’ve already given a shout out to the VFX department, but also worth mentioning is Michael Seresin’s stunning cinematography, James Chinlund’s striking production design and the haunting score by Michael Giacchino, who continues to cement himself as one of my favorite working composers. Dawn is a visual feast and Reeves orchestrates it with passion and elegance.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes captivated my attention from its very first shot and never let it go. I don’t think there’s a single wasted moment in the whole 130 minute running time. It’s one of the best films of the summer and, quite frankly, I’d rank it amongst the best films I’ve seen so far this year. It continues to pave the way for what is shaping up to be an incredible ‘rebooted’ franchise. You’ll be hard press to find a blockbuster more emotionally satisfying and thrilling.

FINAL RATING: 4.5/5

Summer Movie Review Catch-Up, The Final Four: Chef, Edge of Tomorrow, The Fault in Our Stars and How to Train Your Dragon 2

CHEF

God, I love Jon Favreau. Us Marvel fans owe him a great debt for essentially kick-starting the Marvel Studios film franchise in the grandest fashion. And maybe it’s a put-on, but he genuinely seems to be one of the nicest people working in Hollywood today.  In the wake of his big-budget filmmaking debut, Favreau has toned it down tremendously, opting to write, direct and star in what is clearly a major passion project for him. Chef might leave you starving for some a great meal by its conclusion, but your appetite for a great movie should be totally satisfied.

I don’t want to delve too much into its plot; I knew next to nothing about Chef going into it and I’d like to extend the same courtesy to you. All you need to know is that Chef is heartfelt and hilarious, an instant charmer with a great cast and a superb screenplay/direction. It delves dangerously close to sentiment in its conclusion, but by that point you’ll be so invested in the characters you won’t even care. One of the best movies of 2014 thus far.

FINAL RATING: 4.5/5 

EDGE OF TOMORROW

It pains me that we live in a world where Transformers: Age of Extinction made more money in its opening weekend than Edge of Tomorrow has in its entire domestic run. While Transformers 4 may mark the age of extinction for cinema, movies like Edge of Tomorrow give me hope for a brighter future. It’s exciting, full of breathtaking action sequences and, to top it all off, it doesn’t take itself too seriously.

Doug Liman, after running into a couple of slumps with Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Jumper, is back in spectacular form. Aided by an intelligent screenplay written by Jez Butterworth, John-Henry Butterworth and Christopher McQuarrie and the impeccable talents of Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt, Edge of Tomorrow is basically the sci-fi action movie equivalent of Groundhog’s Day and what’s not to love about that? This is sure to go down as one of the best sci-fi entries of the 21^st century.

In the wake of the upcoming summer release schedule, Edge of Tomorrow will probably be swept aside in the fray, but if you get a chance, make your way to the theater as soon as possible to support this gem. It’s well worth your time.

FINAL RATING: 4.5/5

THE FAULT IN OUR STARS

I was a bit hesitant to see this one at first. Nothing against the source material, which was very well-received, but it definitely appeared to be catered towards a certain kind of audience. One I very rarely find my views aligning with. After hearing it was written by Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, the same pair who wrote 500 Days of Summer and The Spectacular Now, my interest was kindled. I’m quite happy to say that The Fault in our Stars is rather wonderful. It’s sweet, genuinely funny and rather moving. It doesn’t quite manage to avoid its sentimental tendencies entirely, but, thankfully it isn’t too cloying.

That’s really its greatest strength - it doesn’t pander to a particular demographic. Sure, the male love interest is a bit too perfect, giving the female audience cause to swoon and dream in the hopes that they might find their own Augustus, but the story does not in any way dress up the pain and suffering that comes with cancer. It keeps the story grounded, even when the love story seems a bit too perfect to be totally realistic. And how about that cast? Shailene Woodley turns in another fantastic performance as Hazel Grace; Ansel Elgort is almost nearly her equal, delivering a charming and, at times, rather heartbreaking performance. They are the heart and soul of this movie and their honest performances make it very easy to invest in their characters’ journeys.

It may not be perfect, but The Fault in Our Stars gets by with strong performances, a solid script and great direction. If you haven’t seen it by now, you probably never will. But, don’t be put off by the target demographic; The Fault in Our Stars is really, really good.

Okay?

Okay.

FINAL RATING: 4/5

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 2

How to Train Your Dragon 2 doesn’t quite live up to the lofty standards of its magnificent predecessor, but it gets the job done with great gusto. It’s certainly one of the better sequels out there and a fine continuation of this proposed trilogy. It deepens its characters, darkens the mood and continues to deliver heartfelt animated storytelling of the finest quality.

Taking place five years after the first film, How to Train Your Dragon 2 follows the exploits of Hiccup, now a young adult, and his dragon Toothless. Their village Berk has adapted to life with dragons in the most splendid fashion, integrating them into all their daily activities. Hiccup is next in line to be the village chief, but he’s not quite sure he’s ready for the responsibility or if it’s something he even wants to do. Things become more complicated when Hiccup and his friends get involved in a maniac conqueror's plot to rule the world using a dragon army.

The storyline mimics its predecessor in that it’s essentially about Hiccup re-finding his place in the world. I think there’s a line near the beginning of the movie where Hiccup flatout says, “I might have figured out who I am, but now I have to figure out who I am all over again!” It’s not particularly subtle about its lack of new ideas and despite some really great twists and turns along the way, this sequel doesn’t really push the franchise in any new directions.

Despite retreading a lot of the same character beats as its predecessor, How to Train Your Dragon 2 still manages to entertain, enthrall and stir the emotions. That it feels more calculated is to be expected, but the pleasant surprise is that it manages to rise above its shortcomings, becoming a worthy continuation of this excellent series. Sign me up for #3!

FINAL RATING: 4/5

X-Men: Days of Future Past Gives Me Hope for a Better Future...Past!

Eight years ago my friends and I headed to the local theater for the midnight release of X-Men: The Last Stand. We had been eagerly awaiting its release, reading every scrap of news we could possibly get our hands on. We were disappointed that Bryan Singer was no longer involved with the franchise, but the latest trailer had been pretty great and, hey, Brett Ratner wasn’t so bad, right? I mean, Rush Hour was fun and Red Dragon was pretty good too. So what if X-Men 3 was getting mediocre reviews? My friends and I were determined to have a spectacular time anyway.

Oh, how wrong we were.

To this very day, the midnight showing of X-Men: The Last Stand stands as one of the most appalling, spirit-crushing moviegoing experiences of my entire life. I watched in horror as the franchise director Bryan Singer had so meticulously set up in X-Men (2000) and its superior sequel X2: X-Men United (2003) came crashing down in the worst possible way. Gone was any emotional subtext, character development or anything remotely meaningful. In its place were God-awful special effects, horrendous dialogue, dreadful characterizations and, well, it was just an all-around piece of garbage. Sure, I’ve seen worse films, but in terms of sheer awfulness and disappointment few movies come close to X-Men: The Last Stand. It was the most viscerally negative reaction I’ve ever had to a movie in all my life. That's right, even more so than the dreadful Star Wars prequels.

When the movie ended, my friends and I had a long discussion about whether or not it was worse than the Godfather of awful superhero films: Batman & Robin.

“You expected Batman & Robin to be bad after Batman Forever,” I said. “X-Men 3 is almost worse considering what came before it.”

“But,” my ever-optimistic friend Richie interjected, “What if Bryan Singer could come back? What if he could fix everything X-Men 3 did so horribly wrong and set the franchise right again?”

I told Richie it would never happen.

I am so happy that I was completely wrong.

Eight years after the travesty that was X-Men: The Last Stand, Bryan Singer has returned to revitalize the franchise he so expertly began. And what a revival it is. Watching X-Men: Days of Future Past feels like waking up after an eight-year nightmare. It brings the series back to the former glory of its first two entries and is a spectacular summer blockbuster.

In the ‘not too distant future,’ the earth is a vapid wasteland. Sentinels roam the streets, hunting down and exterminating all of mutant kind. The surviving X-Men are planning a last-ditch effort to save human and mutant-kind alike: travel into the past to change the future. For some odd reason, Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page) is now capable of phasing people into their past bodies, even though it doesn’t quite fall in line with her mutant abilities. But, who cares?? It’s fun, just go with it. Naturally, Wolverine is the only one who can survive being sent all the way back to his younger body in the seventies, due to his regenerative abilities and the film producers’ inability to make an X-Men movie that DOESN’T star Wolverine. Once there, he joins up with the younger Charles Xavier aka Professor X (James McAvoy), Erik Lehnsherr aka Magneto (Michael Fassbender) and Hank McCoy aka Beast (Nicholas Hoult) who aid him in his quest to set things right and save the world!

As far as plotting goes, Days of Future Past is a bit convoluted. There are lots of characters, lots of settings and lots and lots of happenings, some of which don't make a lick of sense when logic is applied to them. But, these things are expertly balanced by Singer’s deft hand and an excellent screenplay by Simon Kinberg. (This guy wrote X-Men: The Last Stand too?? How is that possible???) The cast is wonderful. Hugh Jackman leads the way, continuing to play Wolverine as if his whole purpose in life is to do so. James McAvoy reprises his role of Charles Xavier from X-Men: First Class, giving a much deeper, more emotionally satisfying performance than he did in First Class. Michael Fassbender is a marvel to behold - as always - and his take on mutant baddie Magneto continues to be one of the highlights of this franchise. Of course, the true standout performance is Evan Peters as Quicksilver. He’s brilliant beyond all reason and I really wish he’d been able to play a larger part in the film. Maybe next time? Please? Peter Dinklage is also pretty great as Sentinel creator Bolivar Trask, even though his character isn’t given much subtext beyond his primary motivation to develop the mechanical behemoths.

Surprisingly, the weakest link in this strongest of strong ensembles is Jennifer Lawrence. Lawrence, who is unquestionably one of the finest young actors working today, phones in her performance, giving dry, emotionless deliveries of all her lines. Somehow, she isn’t even capable of exuding the sexiness that is inherent to the character of Mystique. Hopefully she’ll get her act together by the time the inevitable sequel comes around.

The action sequences in Days of Future Past are astonishing. (Especially the one starring Peters’ Quicksilver) Singer captures the excitement with zest and, most importantly, clarity. I really would have loved to see all our favorite X-Men team up to do battle in the film’s climax as opposed to just a select few. I suppose in the age of Joss Whedon's The Avengers it’s natural to be a bit disappointed when a film like this doesn’t end with an all-out, character-driven explosion fest. I also miss the more subtle character development of the first two X-Men flicks. It feels like in the chaos of the action and the attempt to juggle the ensemble cast, smaller moments are a bit harder to come by. When they do, though, they're pretty great - especially the scene in which McAvoy's Xavier meets his older self. (Played to perfection by Patrick Stewart, another actor born for the part)

And can I just throw in a random aside and mention how thrilled I am that John Ottman returned to score Days of Future Past, utilizing his superb theme from X2: X-Men United? Seriously, I'm 5 minutes into the movie and I'm already squealing in my seat like a Twilight fangirl.

At the end of the day, despite whatever personal qualms I may have, I couldn’t be happier with X-Men: Days of Future Past. It completely washes away the bad taste of X-Men: The Last Stand and sets the whole franchise back on course in the most splendid fashion. With Singer set to return for the sequel, my hopes for this franchise’s future are at an all-time high!!

FINAL RATING: 4.5/5

22 Jump Street - The Best Comedy Sequel of All Time! (?)

Try counting out on your fingers all the great comedy sequels you can think of. And I’m not talking about just ‘decent’ comedy sequels. They need to be able to stand on the same level as their predecessor.

Go ahead, give it a shot. I’ll even let you cheat and use Edgar Wright’s Hot Fuzz, even though it’s not technically a sequel.

Have you thought it out a bit?

Did you get past one hand?

If you did, I’m not sure I trust your instincts on what constitutes a good comedy sequel. The general consensus is that sequels in this genre are doomed to fail long before they’re even out the gate. The main issue is that comedies aren’t typically designed to carry long-running franchises – the jokes become stale, the characters reveal themselves as one-note and dull. What started off as fresh and fun becomes repetitive and lame. Good comedy sequels are a rare breed. So, when I say 22 Jump Street could very well be the very best comedy sequel I’ve ever seen, it may seem like I'm damning it with faint praise.

I assure you, this is not the case.

22 Jump Street is spectacular. I enjoyed it every bit as much as I enjoyed its surprisingly fantastic predecessor. It’s hysterical and intelligent, always a winning combo. The screenplay, penned by the same writer as the first Michael Bacall (This time joined by Oren Uziel and Rodney Rothman), addresses head on the shortcomings of sequels in a fresh and inventive way. I worried it would get a bit smug with its self-aware attitude; it never does. It’s endlessly endearing. Also returning are the first film’s directing duo Phil Lord and Christopher Miller. Hot off the release of what is arguably one of the best films of the year, The Lego Movie, Lord and Miller continue to show they just might be one of the finest directing duos this side of the Coen Brothers.

Of course, punchlines are nothing if you don’t have the right people delivering them and once again Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum prove to be one of the finest on-screen teams in any movie of any genre.  Period. They’re kind of like the modern day Riggs and Murtaugh of Lethal Weapon fame, only a hundred times more insane. Seriously, I love these two and I love their chemistry and I hope we get more and more of these movies as long as the same creative team is involved.

I’m sure the charm will fizzle at some point, but right now that point seems a long-ways off. Bring on 23 Jump Street.

FINAL RATING: 4.5/5

Gareth Edwards' Revival Proves Godzilla is Still King of the Monsters

When I was attending college in Virginia Beach, I used to drive down to the oceanfront at night and stare out into the darkness. On the edge of the horizon were two small lights, close enough together and far enough apart to resemble eyes. I used to imagine what it would be like if those ‘eyes’ belonged to a massive creature and how I would react if it suddenly emerged from the ocean, towering high above everything. There wouldn’t be a single hope for escape. The planet would be doomed!!

Blame my active imagination on all the Godzilla movies I used to watch as a kid. In elementary school, a good friend of mine was a humungous fan of the Japanese mascot. He had practically every movie in the long-running series and we used to marathon them together. (My only distinct memory of these movies was a scene of a giant floating egg that exploded and ‘gave birth’ to Godzilla. My friend and I found this so hysterical that we would rewind it and watch it over and over again) These movies were chock-full-o' hilariously bad English dubbing, dull human characters and majestic monster brawls. I loved every minute. I even enjoyed Roland Emmerich’s cinematic abomination when I first saw it back in 1998! (Hey, I was eleven; cut me some slack) As I got older, my obsession with big monster movies was a bit diminished, but Godzilla has always held a special place in my heart.

In our current decade, it appears that monster movies are attempting to make a comeback in a big way. Last year we had Guillermo Del Toro’s underrated Robots vs. Monsters slamfest Pacific Rim and this year, the big man on campus himself is making his way back into theaters to remind us all why he’s still the King of the Monsters. When I first heard about the character’s revival, my interest level was little to none. But that was before the film’s masterful trailers were released. Seriously, if there was an Oscar category for Best Movie Trailer of the Year, Godzilla would take the prize, no questions asked. Its stunning imagery, the haunting music (Gyorgy Ligeti’s ‘Requiem’ never fails to send shivers down my spine), the oh so spectacular teases of the title character himself. My interest went from “meh” to “YEH!!!!!!!” in no time flat. (Is ‘yeh’ even a word? Let’s just go with it)

To prepare for the release of 2014’s Godzilla, I watched Gareth Edwards’ debut picture Monsters, which is currently streaming on Netflix for anyone who’s interested. I was very impressed with the tone he established right from the get-go. It’s a small-scale human drama with creepy monsters in the background. I was even more impressed when I watched the end credits – Edwards is listed as Director, Writer, Director of Photography, Production Designer and Visual Effects Supervisor. The guy’s got major filmmaking chops, make no mistake about that. He worked wonders with a budget of $500,000 and, it was no surprise that Warner Bros. and Legendary decided that he was their guy for their Godzilla revival.

So how does Mr. Edwards fare with a larger budget (Reportedly $160 million) and gargantuan expectations?

Pretty damn spectacularly.

While Godzilla may not be able to live up to the expectations set by those phenomenal trailers, it still manages to get the job done in a most splendid fashion. Edwards’ direction is spectacular, the shots he and Director of Photography Seamus McGarvey have crafted are mesmerizing and, at times, astonishingly beautiful. You’d never guess this was Edwards’ first foray into blockbuster territory. He’s got a knack for this stuff. The special effects team, led by Jim Rygiel, works wonders, constructing sequences that will make you jump for joy and give many a hoot and a holler. Alexandre Desplat’s soundtrack is a marvelous piece of work, complimenting the material and elevating it when needed. (Desplat is very quickly becoming my favorite working composer. I’m listening to his score as I compose this review and I’m already getting pumped to see the movie again)

I won’t try to defend the screenplay by Max Borenstein, which is without question the film’s weakest element. The characters just aren’t that compelling. But that’s to be expected in these kinds of films. The humans are simply there to be there and look up in awe at the real stars of the film: the Monsters. And, in that regard, Godzilla delivers.

I’ll do my best to avoid delving too deeply into the plot. The less you know about the film, the better. Do yourself a favor and avoid as much information about this movie as you can prior to seeing it…which…I guess means you shouldn’t read this review until after…but I promise I’ll reveal none of the film’s finest moments!

Things get off to a slow start, but I love the way Edwards builds to the reveal of the Big Guy. It’s very reminiscent of the classic moviemaking stylings of Steven Spielberg and Ridley Scott back in their primes with Jaws and Alien. It wouldn’t have been nearly as effective if Edwards had revealed the monster right off the bat. By slowly dialing up the suspense and building to the ‘BIG REVEAL,’ Edwards makes the moment really matter. We get little peeks and teases of the beast here and there, just enough to whet our appetites, and when he’s finally revealed in all his glory…Well, let’s just say you may be unable to resist the impulse to stand up and cheer. I loved it.

And as for the complaints that there’s not enough Godzilla in this Godzilla movie? Um…no. Just, no. He’s in the movie just as much as he needs to be. You definitely get your money’s worth.

The cast works about as well as can be expected with the limited material they are given. Bryan Cranston is, of course, spectacular as always. Aaron Taylor-Johnson has the thankless task of living in Cranston’s shadow AND carrying the film with a total blank slate of a character and he does an extremely admirable job considering the lack of material. He’s likable enough that we care about his exploits, even though he doesn’t do much beyond getting caught up in all the action.

Ken Watanabe is also wonderful as a scientist studying the secrets of Godzilla and Elizabeth Olsen is a beauty, providing the film with much of its emotional core. I also admired David Strathairn’s performance as Admiral William Stenz. Again, it’s a pretty shallow characterization, but unlike the majority of 'soldier' characters in these kinds of movies, Stenz comes across as much more well-rounded, making difficult decisions because he simply has no other choice as opposed to just mindlessly wanting to destroy the monsters and whoever else gets in his way. He wants to avoid casualties at any cost and is always willing to hear alternatives to the ‘mass-destruction’ routes. He might be the wisest decision the screenwriter made as far as characters go.

The suspense of the strong first act is mostly maintained throughout the majority of the second act, which is unfortunately peppered by some rather dull expositional moments. But, it’s in the third act that Godzilla truly triumphs. The monster action is just incredible; the audience I was with burst into spontaneous applause numerous times. Any shortcomings in the screenplay are outshone by the sheer scale and majesty of the images and the action and the excellent work from the cast.

The way is successfully paved for what could end up being a monster of a franchise. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist) Warner Bros. and Legendary have got the right man for the job in Gareth Edwards. I shall be watching his career with great interest. If the story and characters are more compelling next time around, the results could be even more successful and spectacular!! In the meantime, Godzilla manages to evoke those same awe-inspired, slightly terrified feelings I had looking out on those two lights across the ocean. And when it comes to monster movies, it doesn’t get much better than that.

FINAL RATING: 4/5

A Look Back on Ishiro Honda's 1954 Classic 'Godzilla'

“Look! It’s Godzilla!!” One panicked Japanese citizen shouts as Godzilla emerges from the ocean to terrorize a casual yacht party. I can’t help but burst out laughing. This line has become so clichéd over the years that trying to take it seriously is pretty much impossible. But Ishiro Honda’s 1954 classic ‘Gojira’ (Which, to avoid any confusion, I shall henceforth refer to as ‘Godzilla’) is a film that demands to be taken seriously. Honda stated that he specifically intended the monster Godzilla to serve as a metaphor for the atom bomb and the nuclear devastation Japan experienced at the end of World War II. There are no Wrestlemania-esque monster brawls; no goofy, child-friendly antics; no madcap science fiction plotlines. Just death and destruction and lots of model buildings getting smashed.

Honda’s Godzilla is more reminiscent of a horror flick than anything else. Its imagery is haunting - Godzilla’s destructive rampages are intercut with footage of the people on the ground suffering in his wake. One mother holds her children close as Godzilla destroys everything around them. "Don't worry," she tells her children. "We'll be with your father soon."

Yikes.

Another disturbing scene features a hospital in the aftermath of Godzilla’s attack. Victims moan in agony; one child screams uncontrollably, mourning the death of her mother. It’s a far cry from the absurd monster mashing mayhem of subsequent entries in the series. It's also a far cry from its American counterpart -Godzilla: King of the Monsters, which featured awkward footage of Raymond Burr as a pipe-chomping news reporter cut into the original film. Much of the allusions to nuclear testing and horrific death is brushed over. In its place stands a more generic, awkward American-ized mess and is probably more familiar to American audiences than the more jarring Japanese version.

But, despite these powerful moments, Godzilla is by no means a perfect film. The special effects are horribly dated. There’s nary a moment when the monster doesn’t look like a dude in a rubber dinosaur suit stomping on model buildings. The plotline and characters are as paper thin as can be and not even remotely compelling. (Although it was really nice to see Takashi Shimura of Seven Samurai fame as a scientist who would rather study Godzilla than bring about his demise) But Honda’s film is largely successful due to its stark, unforgettable images and its iconic monster.

It’s crazy looking back on the entire franchise as a whole and realizing that it started with a film that was more concerned with warning us about the dangers of nuclear testing than with crowd-pleasing monster mashing. Gareth Edwards' 2014 revival of the character seems to be following suit and even appears to be a direct sequel to Honda’s work. I’m keeping my fingers as firmly crossed as possible that it manages to live up to its lofty expectations and makes this long overdue revival worth the wait.

FINAL RATING: 3.5/5

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 or The Death of this Spidey-Fan's Soul

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is baffling in its awfulness. For the majority of is running time, I stared wide-eyed at the screen as director Marc Webb and the writing hack duo of Alex Kurtzman & Roberto Orci crushed every hope and dream I've ever had for another entertaining, soulful take on everyone's favorite web-slinger. Plot holes abound, horrendous performances thrive (Dane DeHaan, hang your head in shame. I thought I knew you) and incoherent storytelling reigns supreme. With the exception of an exhilarating opening sequence involving Spidey doing what he does best, preventing a robbery in peak, wise-cracking form, nary a single moment stands out as inspired. This is a cash cow assembled in a factory by people who want nothing more than to reap the benefits of its box office receipts. There's no heart, no soul and absolutely nothing to give you hope for a brighter future.

It's a sad, sad day for your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Truth be told, I can't possibly do justice to the full range of terrible that makes up the majority of The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Instead, I will resort to composing a review made up solely of the comments my friends and I were scribbling down on pieces of paper and handing back and forth to one another as the travesty unfolded before our horrified eyes.

Join us now, won't you, as we desperately attempt to cope with our pain:

BEWARE OF POTENTIAL SPOILERS:

"Amazing Spidour Man & Green Tea Goblin."

"At this point, I'm rooting for Electro."

"Denzel Washington got ugly."

"Electro has the powers of the movie Poltergeist and the dialogue of Poltergeist 2."

"Did they secretly want Jason Schwartzman for the security guard?"
"I know - he had the most ironic death. Yeah, whatever."

"Tina Fey got old."

"This is how Psycho started."

"Dane DeH-orrible!'

"New Razzie: Worst use of music."

"ELECTRO-RGASM!"

"I thought Dr. Manhattan was in Watchmen."

"Hi, Peter, it's me. I'm about to die soon. Bye."

"Felicia: In order to communicate with Harry, I must speeakkkk like him."

"Peter and Harry are so gay!"

"I'm Harry! I went to the zombie school of acting. Can I borrow your blood? Meerrh."

"The hope is to extract the venom from their glands and hopefully become better actors in the process."

"This guy makes Hayden Christensen look like Tommy Wiseau."

"This is the most homo-erotic movie since Monsters Inc!"

"NO BING THIS TIME."

"Wait, Paul Giamatti was in that movie? But he's great! I love Sideways!"
"That's the only way you should watch this movie…sideways."

FINAL RATING: 2/5